adventures in awkward

I woke up yesterday feeling like I was upchucked by Satan… which I can’t say I was too disappointed about. It gave me a legitimate reason to do nothing but be a lazy sack all day. Score!  But, as I laid here in a mush of blankets with tissues corkscrewed into my nose,  (I really know how to turn a person on.) I discovered two things:

  1. I never add my own personal pictures to my posts. What the hell?  It’s something I really need to work on.
  2. Too much cold medicine makes you do weird things.

So… here’s a picture of my husband trying to shove himself into a pet carrier.

petcarrier

Why, you ask?

Because why the hell not.

adventures in awkward

I’ve had one of those headaches lately that’s so painful it feels like Satan is throwing a Pampered Chef party in my brain and the only thing he is  selling is a set of rusty knives. Since it’s a party – I’m assuming they are dancing, flailing them around, and getting a little stabby with each other while Hitler and Hussein invade each other’s territories in the bedroom. It is Hell, after all. As are those home-hosted parties that your friends guilt trip you into attending just to sell you crap you don’t really need. Man, I hate those. You have to go, though, or you’re not being supportive enough because this is the income they use to feed their children. You don’t want to be the reason little Betty Sue starves, do you? What about sweet young Gary? SO. MUCH. PRESSURE.

On the plus side, my migraine got me out of going to a SuperBowl party that I didn’t want to be at. The only problem was, was that the party was at my house. How awkward is it to go to a party when one of the hosts is hiding upstairs in a dark room crying as they eat buffalo wing dip with a spoon?  Kudos to my husband who had to answer the endless flow of questions about my whereabouts all night. Poor guy.

How did you spend your SuperBowl evening? Are you pissed the Patriots won? Do you not give a crap either way? Did you watch the Puppy or Kitten Bowl instead? (I recorded it so I could watch it later!)

I love polls, so answer this random question! Remember, it’s anonymous – so you have to answer truthfully! No one will know.

Coming Soon

 

 

rambles

I’ve been plagued with the cold-from-hell for over a week and strung out on so much cold medicine I could barely comprehend some of the comments you guys left on my last post. So, I’m sorry if I responded with something that made no sense. It was the drugs. The drugs, I tell you! I’ve been MIA but I’m starting to catch up with everyone’s blogs tonight finally!

fun-with-drugs-332x249

I don’t have the mental capacity to write today so I’m going to do something totally batshit crazy over here and respond to an award nomination I received. Sort of. I’m going to respond to Lady Dickson’s questions because she kicks ass but, instead of nominating people I’m just going to ask YOU guys a couple questions at the bottom so we can get to know each other a little better. We’re all friends here, right? Answer my damn questions then! (kidding, kidding.)

Lady Dickson’s questions for me:

  1. Where’s the farthest you’ve traveled from home? I don’t travel much so… the Caribbean? I’m boring. Someone come take me on vacation! 
  2. If you could have witnessed any major historical event, which would you choose? Is it sad I can’t think of anything? Most historical things that come to mind are tragedies… I think I’ll stick with the present.
  3. What is your go to conversation starter? I don’t have one as I try not to start conversations! The woe of a socially awkward crazy lady.
  4. Why did you start a blog? To meet and connect with people while doing something I love (writing)
  5. What is your favourite and least favourite word? Slice/Mortified (Not sure why it’s my favorite, but I sure say it a lot !)
  6. Have you ever been stung by a bee? Five too many times
  7. Who is your favourite comedian? Nick Swordson (A totally random but totally hilarious guy)
  8. Which cartoon character is your spirit animal? Garfield.garfield
  9. What movie have you walked out on/did you wish you walked out on? Anchorman. I walked out on it the first time I saw it. Then I watched it again at home a year later and loved it. Not sure what my deal was the first time around.
  10. How many cats is too many cats to own? Is this a joke? You can’t have too many cats…

Here are my questions for y’all: 

  1. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  2. Would you rather be forced to wear fish-scented deodorant all day, or pants made out of bologna? 
  3. If you could punch somebody you know in the face right now, who would it be and why? (Someone you know! I know everybody wants to punch Trump already lol)
  4.  Who is your favorite blogger and why? Share their link!

Answer some or all!

rambles

Has there ever been a period of time when you stop and think ‘hey, life is pretty perfect right now.’ You’re fitting into your favorite jeans, you just found out your arch enemy was arrested for public indecency, and, hell… for the first Christmas in years, money isn’t an issue. You’re shocked, grateful, and there’s no possible way to love life more than you do in this very moment. Then, not even a day later, a hot and sticky shit-storm rains all over your head and snaps you back into reality. Life is never that easy. Don’t ever think that. C’mon, now.

lifeblowssometimes

Things in my life were pretty damn awesome until I hit Saturday. I was deep into my final Christmas shopping trip in the mall, when I noticed I had toilet paper stuck to my shoe from an hour earlier. When it was time to leave, and I backed out of my parking spot, my entire front bumper got ripped off my car. (Yes, I’m the dumbass who pulled up too far over the curb.) Then, after I had a minor  major meltdown in the parking lot and finally made it home, Alex pointed out that there was white goop crusted above my lip from my beloved Starbucks drink. It wasn’t pretty, folks.

Sunday – I woke up sick.

Just remember — you are at the mercy of god/fate/karma/whatever you believe in. You’re their bitch, and they won’t be shy to knock you down a few pegs when needed. Never get too comfortable. It goes just as fast as it comes

 

cat lady chronicles, marriage, rambles

I woke up yesterday feeling like I was upchucked by Satan… which, I can’t say I was too disappointed about. It gave me a legitimate reason to do nothing but be a lazy sack all day. Score! But, as I laid here in a mush of blankets with tissues corkscrewed into nose (sexy, eh?) I discovered two things:

  1. I never add pictures to my posts. What the hell?  That’s boring and something that needs to be changed.
  2. Too much cold medicine makes you do weird things.

So… here’s a picture of my husband trying to shove himself into a pet carrier.

petcarrier

Why, you ask? Because why the hell not.