adventures in awkward

I feel overwhelmingly stressed lately. This has far surpassed the slight worry over what I’m going to make for dinner or the best way to organize my prized box of multicolored beanie babies that’s hidden away in a locked, temperature controlled storage room on the other side of town. They are worth so much money, they really do deserve the best treatment.  I’m deep into the realm of feeling like I’m trapped on the beach and someone is burying me alive under the weight of a thousand pounds of sand. I’m suffocating. The weird part is – nothing has really changed, so I don’t know why it has come on so suddenly. That’s likely the problem – I’m ready for a change that just hasn’t come yet.

So, today I’ve convinced my husband to finally go see Beauty and the Beast with me. And, you know what… I’m throwing caution to the wind. I’m going for the M&Ms. No, fuck it. I’m getting peanut M&Ms. I’m so tired of having to count/measure every single bite that goes into my damn mouth. Why can’t I just be naturally skinny like my siblings? I really got screwed on the gene pool. Being in a constant state of trying to lose weight and work out has me feeling like I’m tiptoeing into crazy town. Why can’t pizza, cupcakes, and a plate of good southern bbq be healthy and rabbit food be what’s killing us? Why, God, WHY? Why do this to us? The inhumanity. (Okay, I’m done with my hissy-fit. Nothing to see here. Carry on.)

The only thing that’s blatantly spiking my anxiety is my cats, so if you’re a cat lover/owner/trainer/whatever,  and you have any advice for a situation I’m in – it would be much appreciated. I don’t want to go deep into it on here, but it has to do with cats not getting along/stalking/litter box aggression. If you could message me on Twitter or email me at theshamefulsheep@yahoo.com I’ll love you forever and maybe even send you cookies. Or maybe I’ll just eat a cookie in your honor. That’s the same…right?

rambles

Last week I wrote a post that was made up of random thoughts/experiences I had during the week. I thought it went pretty well, plus I love any reason to talk about the random insanity that plagues my life so I’m going to do it again. Strap yourselves in because here we go, friends. Here. We. Go.

It’s getting hot in here – I was in Barnes & Noble the other night and there were two teens making out and groping each other in the horror section. Seems fitting, right? It made me pretty horrified. What happened to the days when kids sat in the back row of the movie theater and let their hormones rage in the dark? Keep it classy, guys. Nobody wants to see that. I was feeling particularly snarky that night, so I found a book called ‘God Is Watching You’ (or something close to that, can’t remember the exact name.) I tapped one of them on the shoulder and handed it over. They were embarrassed. I counted it as a win. Justice was served. Book stores are always an adventure (especially when you are crazy.)

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Updates – The mother of the kid I kicked in the balls a few days ago dropped by this morning to offer an apology. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen this woman take an interest or responsibility in her child. She told me she has barred him from stepping foot on my property (which, hello – he shouldn’t be anyways) and if he does again to let her know. She also brought me brownies with ‘nuts’ in them. Jury’s still out if they are poisoned or not. I love me some brownies, but pretty sure I’m better off passing on these ones. It pains my heart to say no to chocolate.

Sadness – I wasn’t originally going to say anything about this, but since it’s Mental Health Awareness Week, I figured it was worth putting out there. It’s been a rough week for my in-laws (that includes my sisters/brothers-in law as well) because a childhood friend Alex grew up with committed suicide a few days ago. I didn’t know him, and I don’t know his family, so I can only imagine the devastation they are going through. I know it’s easier said than done, but please, if you are having thoughts of suicide, or just need to talk to someone – reach out. Talk to anyone. Hell, you can talk to me. Message me on Twitter and it will ping my phone. We can get through this.

tuesday trivia

On Tuesdays, I always like to share a random trivia fact. It’s usually something freakishly weird like stories of strangers licking each other, or Disney’s obsession with pussy. (Yes, I love puns. So what?) This time… I’m sharing facts about myself. I’m freakishly weird… so it counts, right? You better say yes, damn it!  I get multiple emails every week asking me things about myself or my blog, so I thought it would be fun for me to share some stuff here so you may get a better idea of who I am. I hope y’all will share something with me, too. That’s how friendship works, you know. 

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If you thought I was weird already – it’s only going to get worse from here.

10 freakishly weird facts about a freakishly weird person (me!) :

1. There are multiple shows that are geared towards teens that I still watch. It’s pretty embarrassing at the age of 29 but I can’t help myself. Pretty Little Liars. Dance Moms. The list goes on. (Hey… don’t judge me)

2. I make up dances all the time for random things. I have a made up dance for pizza. A dance for dessert. A dance for my in-laws dog. (Which he loves. He thinks I’m playing so he gets excited and bolts around.) One I do for my cats. I even made up a dance that I make my cats do. Those poor things.

3. I would rather watch the same reruns of the same shows over and over rather than watch something new. I like knowing what to expect rather than risk watching something new and hating it. I’ve seen the same Big Bang Theory, Modern Family, and The Middle episodes dozens of times. (There are many more shows, but I’ll spare you from the list)

4. I absolutely detest social media. I think most people here know that already, but I wanted to add it in.

5. I like spending more time with kids than adults. I often consider going back to school to become a preschool teacher or becoming certified to open a day care. (Would you trust me with your kids? Hahahaha)

6. I grew up in a staunch Republican house with parents that were obsessed with politics and unwilling to hear other perspectives. Now I avoid politics like the plague.

7. I spend hours a day reading other people’s blogs because I love finding connections and meeting new people. I don’t make friends easily in person. I think I come off a little crazy.

8. I’m absolutely petrified of waves and undertow. I grew up going to the Caribbean every year and never had an issue until I was about 20. Even though I live in NC and often go to the beach in the summer, I haven’t gone into the ocean any further than my ankles in years.weirdlyawesome

9. Here’s a deeply personal one that I didn’t think I’d ever share. I had a lot of mental issues when I was young, and was diagnosed as having Borderline Personality Disorder. It took many years for me to get out of that darkness. It wasn’t easy. I think it’s the main reason I focus on humor instead of anything serious when I write. I like keeping things light-hearted after suffering for so long.

10. I collect magnets from different countries and have over 100 of them. No, I didn’t go to all of these places, but my parents did. Every time they go on a trip, I’m gifted with a handful of magnets. It started off as a joke… but it stuck. Pretty nerdy, right?

 

Do you have a freakishly weird fact to share or a question to ask? We’re all friends here. You can email me them if you’d rather share them in private @    theshamefulsheep@gmail.com

things that matter

Ever have moments where you wish you were young again? Not because Monster High kicks ass, responsibility blows, and as an adult you are all too aware of all the shitty things happening in the news. You just need a day to get away. A day of silence. Just one day to do nothing that actually matters, only mind-numbing tasks that make life a little happier and easier to get through. (Is that too much to ask?)

I mean, let’s face it… life is consuming. Work, bills, your spouse, kids – they are all bricks getting stacked on top of you and you’re starting to get crushed. The stress makes it hard to breathe. You’ve lost yourself to responsibility. Seriously, when was the last day you spent treating and taking care of yourself?

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So… I decided I’m setting aside a day this week to spend by myself. A solo trip to the movies. Wandering around the mall aimlessly and buying something I want and don’t need. I’m going to order way too much Chinese food, then bring it home and eat it on the couch while I watch five hours of Downton Abbey in one night. I’m going to go to bed whenever the hell I want, and wake up whenever the hell I want.

There’s so much emphasis on physical health with these New Year’s resolutions. What about taking care of your mental state? Time to reboot and recharge, guys. Y’all should do it, too.

(I think this is my first non-humor post. I debated not posting it. But, let’s be real — I’m not always a clown. I have my serious moments and struggles, too)