adventures in awkward

The internet is a magical place. As long as you forget about the countless cyber bullies and trolls, disgusting atrocities hiding on the dark web, and hordes of people yammering on and on about politics that are impossible to avoid until you finally decide to take a screwdriver to your face and pop your eyeballs out. (Which is what I’m close to doing.) If you create a personal bubble on the internet and you’re successful in avoiding all the weird shit, it is an amazing place to be, though. Until your safe space gets penetrated by seriously weird search terms like mine does.

I will say, one of my favorite things about blogging is the search terms that people use to find my blog. I have zero idea why some of these led here, but they make me laugh, (and a little uncomfortable) so I’m going to share them today. These are the five strangest ones I’ve had over the last six months:

pickle tickling
i got poop on my balls
transgender crazies
have you ever seen something and busted out laughing? (The real question is…. who hasn’t?)
do sheep have vaginas?

I’ve got no words, guys. You are some strange motherfuckers.

Then, last night I was on Google looking at Adwords. (You know, the program where you pay Google to advertise your stuff for you.) I was filling out the forms to see what type of prices they had, then I saw this and was deeply offended. (The quality of this photo sucks. Sorry.)
The first suggestion for me to advertise my blog under is poop. POOP. Seriously, do I talk about poop often enough that Google thinks I should pay hundreds of dollars to get people who are searching for poop come around here? Is that what Google really thinks of me? I don’t know if I should be hurt or flattered. Damn it, Google. That’s strike two.