You know you have an atypical marriage when silly conversations like this are normal:
Me: If you ever cheated on me I’d probably kill you.
Alex: I’d never do that, so…………….
Me: Well… I was just trying to be the bigger person and give you a heads up.
Alex: If you cheated on me I’d rip your boobs off and make them into a pillow.
Me: ……… you’ve gone way too far, psycho.
Alex: At least I’m letting you live.
Me: Uhh… thanks, I guess?
Today I was sitting in the backyard on the hammock talking to my mom on the phone. Here I am, swinging and minding my own business and out of nowhere this huge deer appears on the edge of the yard where it meets the woods. I know it seems totally ridiculous to be afraid of deer, but damn — their beady eyes and large stature freak me the hell out. Not to mention their no-fear attitude when it comes to cars hitting them. This deer had to go, so I hung up the phone and started walking slowly towards it to scare it away. It didn’t move. So I made a loud noise. Didn’t move. I got desperate and started screaming while flapping my arms and running towards it. Instead of running away it took a step towards me.
Deer are supposed to run away. So why wasn’t this one? Was it plotting something? Did it have rabies? The plague? Was it going to attack me? Bite me? Had the zombie apocalypse started? Was it trying to tell me something? I got so spooked by my thoughts –I– ended up being the one sprinting away screaming bloody murder while the deer remained there staring.
Fine deer, you win this time. You’re just lucky I wasn’t in a car.