adventures in awkward

Random-As-Shit Wednesday Thoughts

I like to think I know you guys pretty well, so I’m pretty sure you are all plagued with worry as you fight sleepless nights, eat your feelings, and clutch your kids close while they cry into your shoulder and rub globs of snot onto your prized, limited edition Harry Potter t shirt. But I am here to comfort you with an official report: our cars haven’t been vandalized since my last post. (You thought I was talking about Trump or something equally scary, right?) After spending hundreds of dollars on a home security system and getting the car fixed by someone I was confident wouldn’t ruin it, I figured it wouldn’t happen again. That’s just how life works around here. Shit only happens when you aren’t expecting it. So, go on! Move on with your life! Nothing to report here.

(A pretty mountain river from one of our hikes)

About two weeks ago Alex and I went to the mountains for five days. I’m not going to lie… we did a terrible job planning our trip and solely picked the town because there was a casino and resort there. Great for nighttime, but during the day there was absolutely nothing to do besides outdoorsy stuff. You know, like hiking, biking, rock climbing, fishing, and other things you healthy, active people want to do in the mountains. This is not the case for us. We like our vacations to be lazy, filled with plenty of naps, alcohol, and so much food the thought of walking up a flight of stairs sends us into a panic over the idea of impending crampy doom. The mountains were beautiful though, so we managed to go out daily to try and learn how to do, uh… fitness. Next week’s beach trip is slated to be more our style.

I’m starting a new venture along with blogging (which I really need to do more of,) and writing my novel — Animation. I recently purchased a Wacom drawing tablet and Adobe Animate, and hopefully with hours and weeks of practice and YouTube tutorials (which are really informative, actually.) I’ll actually be able to draw my own mini animation series. It will be a silly/humorous show based off of Benny the Sheep. (The drawing in my blog header.) It’s been really hard to master, but I’m getting better every day and I’m excited to work on the episodes.

(Here’s the first drawing of Chester, who will be one of Benny’s friends.)

adventures in awkward

I had one of those strange moments the other day when I was laying down in bed with a hot cup of tea on my night stand and two purring kitties draped across my legs. I was happy. In my comfortable pillow-top bed with my favorite Harry Potter blasting loudly on the TV. (That’s the Half-Blood Prince. Obviously the best. Anyone who disagrees probably smells like farts.) I mean… can life really get much better than that? Doubtful. Then… I remembered what happened in Manchester the day before and started feeling guilty for having everything so good in life while other people are suffering and in pure devastation. I was ashamed of my happiness. Of how easy I have it. How amazing my husband is when women are treated like dogs in other countries (and sometimes even here, sadly.) For having family that would support me no matter the circumstance when others are dumped on the street and homeless with nowhere to turn.  I was physically ill over these poor people who were murdered trying to enjoy a concert, when I was sitting in bed enjoying all of my favorite things.  Life is cruel and unfair.

It was very much a “why me?” moment in my life. Except instead of being down on my luck and wondering “why is this happening to me?” it was the complete opposite. How did I get so lucky? I’m not even that nice of a person, so it’s definitely not something I deserve. I’ve been trying to come up with ways to actually help and make a difference. What do you guys do? I don’t want to be one of those people who post #prayforManchester (or whatever the current tragedy is) because it’s trendy and actually do nothing about it. Seriously, how many of the people who posted that on social media do you think really prayed or did anything to help? Probably not a lot.

It’s terrible how powerless you can be when there are so many people suffering.

(Usually I post humor, but I strayed from the theme this time! Sometimes it’s just necessary to branch out when the world is going to shit. Back to normal programming next post <3)

adventures in awkward

Ever love something so much you want to squeeze it so tight that its eyes pop out and guts burst all over your walls and decorate it with a nice red tinge? Sure, it’s a bit brutal like a scene from Dexter when he’s hacking the shit out of one of his victims and bathing in their blood, but that’s okay. It’s out of love, you know? My mom always told me it was the thought that counts, so… as long as you do it with good intentions it’s okay. (That’s how it works, right?) Anyways, the point of this ramble was to tell you guys that I love you. So much that I want to hug you so tight you can’t help but shit yourself. I really appreciate and have all the feels for this community.

Anyways, I was nominated for an award by R Cawkwell. Since I never follow to the rules to these things, I thought I’d answer the questions she asked, then turn and ask y’all questions of my own so we can learn more about each other. It’s a fun game, so answer them damn it! Or sit in the corner being a party pooper while you pick your nose. Whatever works.

She asked me:

  1. When did you start writing? I started writing poetry when I was in junior high. It was absolutely terrible, but it spawned my love for writing.
  2. Pluto: Planet or not? YES. Of course. Don’t disrespect Pluto just being it’s smaller than the others. Didn’t your parents teach you manners?
  3. Favorite place to write? At my desk, I’m not hipster enough to write in public.
  4. Pen or word processor for the first draft? Word processor. My hands hurt way too fast when I write by hand.
  5. If you were a mythical creature, what would you be? A hippogriff. Because, uh… Harry Potter kicks ass.

 

My questions for y’all:

  1. If you could recommend ONE show right now, what would it be?
  2. Would you rather spend the rest of your life with giant testicles on your chin, or having hooves instead of hands?
  3. If you could choose any celebrity to hit the sheets with, who would it be?
  4. Who’s your favorite blogger around these parts? (Besides me, obviously!)
adventures in awkward

I’m having one of those days where I don’t feel like writing. Or talking. Or being awake and functioning at all. Depression… such a fickle bitch. Creeps up behind you when you least expect it and wraps its Voldemort-esque fingers around your neck and chokes you like a bad scene in one of those Fifty Shades of Grey movies. Except it’s a lot less pleasurable because at least the girl in that scenario is getting something fun out of it. Ya know? I’m forcing myself to write anyways, though, because isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? Slap a smile on, pretend everything is great, and that unicorns are frolicking around your backyard farting out cupcakes? Cupcakes actually sound pretty good right now.  I’m pretty sure if I could have any superpower, it would be farting out cupcakes.

I’m skipping my ‘Random-As-Shit Thursday Thoughts’ post for today. Maybe I’ll do it this weekend, or maybe not at all this week. Being in a funk makes me a risk-taking rebel. Who knows, maybe I’ll spring an extra shot of sugar-free syrup in my coffee later or eat more than half of a cookie for dessert. You never know what’s coming. I’m just so unpredictable.

Here’s my Random-Ass-Poll for the week. Yay! Answer honestly – It’s anonymous. I mean, I’m sure I could somehow hunt down your IP and figure out who voted what, but I can barely get my email to work, so no worries. Your secrets will stay hidden!

[Total_Soft_Poll id=”8″]

adventures in awkward

Random-As-Shit Thursday Thoughts

1. I’m going to be honest here – you guys scare me sometimes. Not the majority, but more so the people that land on my blog by random search terms. I don’t know why people are searching for ‘shameful awkward mom porn’ or ‘sheep boobs’ and landing on my page, but there is zero porn here. Zip. Nada. I’m pretty sure I’ve never even talked here about sex before. Is that what Google thinks of me? They lump me in with the porn sites so I’m attracting all the perverse freaks of the internet? Maybe I should give them what they want. I can start posting pictures of sheep boobs. Here you go, weirdos.

 

2. I keep seeing online that people are calling Lady Gaga ‘fat’ and saying she had a ‘pot belly’ during her halftime performance the other day. What the hell is wrong with people? I wish I could drag everyone who said this crap by their hair and smash their face into a vat of horse semen. (Okay, now I’m starting to understand why I get the porn lovers.)

If this is fat, then I must be the size of Hagrid when he’s nine months pregnant. 

3. I really don’t care if you hate that I swear or not. It drives me crazy that people purposely stalk my posts and go out of their way to tell me how bad of a person I am multiple times a week through comments because I throw a swear word or two into my writing. IT’S A WORD, PEOPLE. I’m not hurting anybody. It’s not like I’m going into public and telling kids to go fuck themselves and punching them in the face. Not that it’s any of your goddamn business if I was. I’m 30. Not 12. I don’t need lectures from people twice my age like they’re my mother. I’ve had to block TWO people this week from my site due to them doing this for nearly a year now. If the ban didn’t work – hopefully they will see this and kindly f u c k o f f. (End rant.)