Over the weekend I was accosted by a surly unibrowed woman in Target over a Tickle Me Elmo. It was like being transported back to the time when Backstreet Boys ruled the airwaves and having big hair was actually fashionable rather than just being a surefire way to pick out the Carol of the group. (You know Carol. She’s the annoying one everyone invites to be nice, but no one really likes her.) Poor Carol. Poor poor Carol.
There I was mid sentence, explaining to my 11-year-old niece how Elmo drove people batshit crazy in the 90s, and this woman walks up. She was mad that I clicked the ‘try it now’ button which sent Elmo into a roaring laughter. (Which, I have to say, is really goddamn obnoxious to be honest. He sounds like a monkey getting his rectum finger popped. Not that I’ve ever heard that – just assuming.) She pointed her finger in my face and told me that I was the sole reason her migraine was getting worse, and that I was too old to be playing with toys and being loud in public…… What?
This woman left her house on a Saturday, went to one of the busiest stores in town to walk her grumpy ass through the kid’s section full of toys… all while she apparently had an excruciating migraine. Yet it’s my fault her migraine is getting worse. Do people not have common sense anymore? Has fast food caused people brains to shrivel up to the size of a raisin? What is going on in this world?
PS – I’m 100% the Carol of my group. Don’t feel bad, fellow weirdos and awkward folk. You’re in good company.