adventures in awkward

I feel overwhelmingly stressed lately. This has far surpassed the slight worry over what I’m going to make for dinner or the best way to organize my prized box of multicolored beanie babies that’s hidden away in a locked, temperature controlled storage room on the other side of town. They are worth so much money, they really do deserve the best treatment.  I’m deep into the realm of feeling like I’m trapped on the beach and someone is burying me alive under the weight of a thousand pounds of sand. I’m suffocating. The weird part is – nothing has really changed, so I don’t know why it has come on so suddenly. That’s likely the problem – I’m ready for a change that just hasn’t come yet.

So, today I’ve convinced my husband to finally go see Beauty and the Beast with me. And, you know what… I’m throwing caution to the wind. I’m going for the M&Ms. No, fuck it. I’m getting peanut M&Ms. I’m so tired of having to count/measure every single bite that goes into my damn mouth. Why can’t I just be naturally skinny like my siblings? I really got screwed on the gene pool. Being in a constant state of trying to lose weight and work out has me feeling like I’m tiptoeing into crazy town. Why can’t pizza, cupcakes, and a plate of good southern bbq be healthy and rabbit food be what’s killing us? Why, God, WHY? Why do this to us? The inhumanity. (Okay, I’m done with my hissy-fit. Nothing to see here. Carry on.)

The only thing that’s blatantly spiking my anxiety is my cats, so if you’re a cat lover/owner/trainer/whatever,  and you have any advice for a situation I’m in – it would be much appreciated. I don’t want to go deep into it on here, but it has to do with cats not getting along/stalking/litter box aggression. If you could message me on Twitter or email me at theshamefulsheep@yahoo.com I’ll love you forever and maybe even send you cookies. Or maybe I’ll just eat a cookie in your honor. That’s the same…right?

cat lady chronicles, rambles

I’ve never been a big fan of Halloween. I’m pretty sure I’m flying solo on that feeling, considering everyone I know on Facebook has currently stuffed themselves into a costume that barely fits and leaves little to the imagination. (Really… some things are better left unseen, people. Don’t go in public and let your bits and pieces flop around in the breeze.)

But, this year I decided I would give Halloween a chance. I got the candy to hand out. I got the pumpkins to carve for the first time ever. And, damn… after a few hours of fishing pumpkin guts out and carving with Alex — I was proud when I set them outside.

Then, I checked on them a few days later. On top of the pumpkins being completely moldy (that’s not snow)… half of the candy is gone already, too.

halloween2015

I tried to give you a chance, Halloween… but all you’ve done so far is leave me sad and fat. I guess I should just hide inside with the lights off, peering over the flashlight like a crazy person again this year.

(Really, though… I can’t be the only one who doesn’t like Halloween… or am I truly that much of an oddball?)

Also, a note to cat owners: please, please, please make sure your black cats (or any outdoor cats) are brought inside. There are some sick assholes out there.