adventures in awkward

Since I’ve started writing a novel, I feel like my mind is in a constant state of playing everything out. There’s a movie on loop playing in my head. I’m always thinking about what could happen, or what my characters are doing, and I’m pretty sure it’s driving me to the brink of insanity. Which sounds kind of thrilling, but it’s actually pretty terrifying when you can’t concentrate on anything else. It’s starting to seep into my dreams at night, too, and since my novel is a murder mystery/teen sleuth, this isn’t bringing along dreams of playful puppies tumbling down a field of wildflowers and kittens cuddling underneath a Skittles rainbow. My dreams are more in the realm of brutal slayings, the decapitation of pedophiles, and throwing a stabby porcupine at an unsuspecting stranger’s face. Anybody up for some free acupuncture? It’s an intense way to wake up every morning. Which leads me to a question Alex and I discussed at length yesterday:

If the person you love most in this world (spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/sister/best friend/whatever) killed a pedophile instead of reporting it to police, would you flee the country/hide with them or turn them in? The pedophile wasn’t attacking anyone, or doing anything at the time your person found out so it wasn’t self defense, they were just angry and wanted to end him for being a sick fuck. Are you turning them in because you want nothing to do with it? Or do you love them to the point you are willing to give up your life to protect them and live on the run? I’m curious what your answers are, because Alex and I had opposing ones. Dun dun dun…

Also, how do you not become so consumed by what you’re writing about? Is this normal? I’m assuming this is why most creative artists are the depressive type. Pretty soon I’m going to be shaving my head and chanting around a bonfire in my backyard wearing nothing but nipple tassels and a baby diaper. Okay, probably not, but you see where I’m going.

adventures in awkward

Random-As-Shit Thursday Thoughts

1. I’ve come to the conclusion the last few days that I’m a terrible person. Not that I’m on the level of pushing bratty little kids down the stairs or rubbing my naked ass all over the neighbor’s cars after a recent trip to the bathroom, but I’m up there. I’ve propelled into the early stages of ‘grumpy old woman’ syndrome even though I’m barely 30. I had a conversation with Alex yesterday about how disappointed he was that he was unable to help his brother move this weekend due to wrist tendinitis. I mean, I figured he must’ve been promised an endless supply of pizza and beer or something… but he wasn’t. He was just looking forward to the act of helping someone who needed it. What? Is this normal? How do I get to be like this? The thought of helping somebody move their crap is on par with walking blindfolded into the middle of oncoming traffic for me. Why am I such a negative Nancy? Do normal people actually just enjoy doing whatever they have to in order to help someone without ever expecting them to return the favor, or is my husband just a saint?  I need some Jesus or something.

2. I’ve been hiding this past week because I’ve ventured into uncharted territory and, man… these rocky waves are making me seasick as hell. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to hack it. I started writing a book a few days ago. Now, this is something I’ve been putting off for a long time even though there’s been characters and scenes stuck in my head for almost a year. I was waiting for the right time and I think I’m finally ready for their story to be told. The only problem is that I already hate what I’ve written and want to restart. How do I get past the self criticism? Am I ever going to like the shit that I write? How do authors do it? I’m my own worst enemy.

(Is it sad I saw this sticky note on the box an instantly thought, ‘BUT BACON! What about bacon?’ Sorry about the shitty quality.)

3. People are making life insufferable lately. I can’t walk around Barnes and Noble without hearing people talk about anti-Islamic hate groups or go into my grocery store without being chastised about eating meat. A few days ago I spent a solid 30 minutes going through my Twitter feed, turning off some people’s re-tweets because all it is (literally 20 times in a row) is people complaining about Trump. (I love you guys, but you are killing me.) My ENTIRE feed was related to politics – the thing I try my hardest to avoid in life. We get it. Trump is a psychotic, orange, hateful mother fucker who may very well cause a new war. I like to live in a bubble though, when you have extreme anxiety it does wonders. (I know this is going to offend some people I follow on Twitter. It’s not personal – I love your blogs and want to see your tweets. I just turned off re-tweets. Yes, you are allowed to be pissed and angry over Trump. This is just self-preservation.)

rambles

It really bothers me that the slang ‘sheeple‘ has such a negative connotation. I always want to call y’all it but I feel like I’d be insulting you, and, why would I want to insult you guys when I like you more than 99% of the people I meet/know in person? (Or a bigger question – why does everyone I know in person seem to suck so much?) So, since my mind goes to the word every time I sit down to write, I figured if I use it one time maybe the obsessive thought will go away.  Don’t worry, I’m not trying to say you guys have no brains and follow things blindly. It’s solely because this blog is called The Shameful Sheep. If I wanted to insult you I’d come up with something a lot wittier – like calling you a poopyhead or something.

So, here we go…. HAPPY MONDAY, SHEEPLE!

sheeple1

I moved to a self-hosted site so I could have more freedom to do what I want and expand a little. Today I wanted to share with y’all some ideas I have. They are in the rough draft phase, so I’m hoping someone will have some cool ideas. Especially for the giveaway section.

Over the past month or so I’ve been trying to come up with a cool way to do a giveaway every month. It will most likely just be an Amazon gift card or cash via PayPal or something. (Because who would turn that down?) I like the idea of giving a theme for a photo contest and having people vote on which one they like most. Example: the theme is funny, so people will send me their photos of their drunk friends with writing on their faces, or their kids with cake frosting smeared into their eyebrows, or whatever else they think is funny. Then I’ll pick my favorites and put them up so everyone can vote on them. Winner gets the money. Thoughts? Any other ideas? I’m trying to think of things that are slightly fun/interactive and not just “guess what number I’m thinking of.”

I also want to start doing a sort of advertising around here. I know this is the land of aspiring authors and self publishers, so I thought it would be kinda fun  to start a book club. I’ll put your book on my front page with a link to your site/amazon. Make an actual page on my site dedicated to the books in the club. Do an interview. (I also want to do something similar with bloggers wanting to get their site out there. Have a spot on my front page/make a ‘cool kids blog’ page/interview(or maybe a guest post?) I’m open to ideas/suggestions. (If you want to try either of these out, or ask me questions about it, email me here: blair@theshamefulsheep.com . The first month or two will definitely be discounted as I get everything set up and in order. I’ve been slacking on checking emails lately, but I promise I’ll respond faster from now on!)

Everyone else: don’t worry. I promise any sort of changes won’t take over my usual posts.

I think this is the longest post I’ve ever written. Thanks for hanging in there! Hope y’all had a great Mother’s Day, and have a great week ahead 🙂

rambles

Lately I’ve realized the quality of my writing has taken a turn for the worse. Even when I know what I want to say, the words aren’t flowing out at a standard I want them to. My brain feels like its got the worst bout of constipation imaginable. We’re dealing with some really serious blockage here, guys. Adding in some extra fiber won’t do the trick this time around. (Million dollar idea – brain enemas for writers. Someone needs to invent this.) I’m chalking it up to the fact I haven’t been reading much of anything lately and I’m lacking some inspiration. Can you recommend a book to me that you’ve enjoyed or felt inspired by? Have you read a writer that has inspired you so much you’ve been able to get back in touch with your voice?

Rapunzel-with-books

Things I like in a book:
1. High quality writing. (None of this Twilight crap that could have been written by a 16-year-old, okay? PS- I actually kind of enjoyed those books. I just think reading that right now would make my constipation even worse.)
2. I can’t do books that take awhile to get into it. If it’s too slow I’ll give up on it in the first 50 pages.
3. I like any genre as long as it’s written well, but have an affinity for humor. (I’ve read The Bloggess. I have a feeling a lot of people will recommend her books, so I’m just gonna say that now lol)

HELP please!

(Thanks in advance, guys. I hope I can take y’all out for a beer someday or, at the very least, share a pizza with you. Well, just a small slice. Or a bite. Pizza is important to me. Don’t judge.)