adventures in awkward

 

There is no better way to start off the summer than being trapped in the same house as your entire family for a week. Well, as long as you’re willing to have zero alone time, be bombarded by whiny kids, and have your mother nag you from the moment you take your first sip of coffee until you finally decide to sneak off to bed at 8 pm to find solace from some boring TV show. Learn from me, friends… don’t share a big house with a bunch of adult family members and little kids. The insanity is enough to make you want to rip your hair out and weave them into intricate dolls just to watch them burst into flames when you try to saute them on the stove. It’s maddening.

For the most part… we had a good time at the beach. (Even though I got so burned the first day out I had to spend the next three days in hiding.) Since I have a sun allergy, my entire body ended up covered in red bumpy scales and I was doomed to look like an albino cobra the rest of the trip. It was unsightly. Seriously.  I’m thankful to have a husband that is never embarrassed to be seen with me. Because, wow… it was disturbing. My face looked like it was half blistered and melting off. I can only imagine how many kids I’ve scarred for life.

Anyways, I’m happy to finally be back. Ready to start catching up and reading everyone’s blogs.

Happy 4th of July to my fellow Americans. Hope you all still have your arms and didn’t blow them up from a fireworks mishap.

Also, I have another trip in August coming up where we will be sharing a house with Alex’s entire family this time. I’m going to need everyone to form a prayer circle for me. Please keep me in your thoughts. I will need all the strength and support I can get.

(Am I the only one that finds a sick satisfaction in peeling off the skin after a sunburn? I’m like a snake molting. Ah…)

 

adventures in awkward

Random-As-Shit Thursday Thoughts

1. I read an article two years ago that a study found men’s beards to be stocked full of poop. Not literal chunks or anything, just the poop particles that float around because people are God-awful at washing their hands. (Don’t be like that, assholes. Wash your damn hands! Do you really want to bear the responsibility of a stranger accidentally putting your poop in their mouths?) Anyways, I’ve been using this as a reason to convince my husband not to grow his beard too long. “The longer it gets, the poopier it smells!” or “If I get pink eye from hugging you, hell is going to rain down!” Well, he discovered that it was somewhat of a myth, sadly. Beards aren’t more likely to have poop in them than any other thing in the world thanks to nasty ass people. Guess I’ll have to start getting used to the fact he might look like the next hillbilly that rolls out of Duck Dynasty.

2. Is anyone going crazy with summer right around the corner, counting down the days until they can go on vacation? It feels like this every year for me the second Spring is in full swing. It’s all I can think about doing. Man, we have a few trips planned for the beach in the next couple months, and I’m literally crossing off days on the calendar one-by-one until we get there. It’s like my body is craving it. Granted, our first week-long trip is sharing a beach house with my entire family, and the second one is sharing a house with Alex’s entire family. I’m not sure these are the ideal ‘relaxation’ vacations, but I figure it will at least be fun. Or we might return home crazier than we left. Who knows. It will be a fun experiment. Do you have any vacation plans you are looking forward to?

3. The other day I saw an article about women now choosing to “free bleed.” You know, not using any tampons/pads and just letting it flow wherever it goes. It cited a woman running a marathon in white shorts covered in blood, and an Instagram post of a woman bleeding while doing yoga. I was… disturbed. I understand it’s a normal body function and all, but no. JUST NO. STOP IT. I know it’s 2017, but some shit doesn’t need to be shared, you lunatics!

rambles

It’s November. The month of attaining odd goals. Not only is my husband going for the hobo-chic look by not shaving his beard, it also seems like everyone is crapping-their-pants-excited over the start of NaNoWriMo. I don’t plan on being the next bearded lady or starting a novel. So, here I am — just existing. Plopped on the couch with my cat in over-sized sweats, staring at the TV and wondering how long it’s going to take for my candy-induced bloat to go away. What a life.

Truthfully, I love November now that I live in North Carolina. But, in a November snowstorm in New York five years ago, I totaled my car in a very scary accident. Please make sure you stay safe this winter, guys… don’t let the roads make you their bitch like they did to me.

And, good luck with your novel writing, beard growing, and candy digesting. Each equally important, you know.

ncnovember2014