adventures in awkward

There was a time I used to crank out posts every other day, but now I’m only managing one a week. Brain? Hello? Are you in there? Your presence is requested on the poop deck. Need all hands on board. We’re wading through some serious shit up here.  I’ve been a little preoccupied lately with family trips, drama, and personal issues. (Oh my!) But don’t worry, I’m not planning on boring y’all to tears and telling you about it. If I were you, I wouldn’t give a crap(even though you’re all probably too nice to say that.) So…you’re welcome.

I saw this questionnaire floating around a few weeks ago, and thought it would be fun to fill out. They are questions you don’t see very often, which is a lot nicer than the standard “why do you write?”  “what’s your favorite hobby?” cliche ones. I don’t remember who came up with these questions, so if it was you, let me know and I’ll add you to the post! If you decide to answer the same questions, make sure you let me know in the comments so I can come check it out.

What female celebrity do you wish was your sister?
Jennifer Lawrence. Have you ever seen this chick do an interview? She is absolutely hilarious.

What would you name your daughter if you had one?
My favorite girl’s name right now is Elia. (Yes, from Game of Thrones) Alex has already put the kabosh on that name sadly. I’m going to try to push it again when the time comes.

What would you name your son if you had one?
Cade. I heard it on a TV show recently and added it to my list! (I have a list of baby names to one day use. Judge me all you want, jerks.)

What was your favorite TV show when you were a child?
Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers. I actually watch them on YouTube sometimes still. They never get old. Also, Gummi Bears. Anyone remember that one? (Bouncing here and there and everywhere!)

What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight?
A cat. Every year. I was such a boring, sheltered kid.

Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series?
Yes, all of the above. Most of these are excusable except Harry Potter! Go read it, or we can’t be friends. Seriously. This isn’t a laughing matter. This shit is important.

Do you know who Kermit the frog is?
Is this serious? Who doesn’t know who Kermit is? I’m guessing you were also robbed of the joys of Kool-Aid and Pogs as a young kid.

Have you ever been to Olive Garden?
I could live off their breadsticks. (I’m not drooling, you’re drooling) If you’ve never had their breadsticks, you’re not living life to its fullest.

What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?
I was going to be named Blair either way. Woo!

If you have a nickname, what is it?
I have nicknames from everyone. It’s funny, I RARELY hear my actual name unless it’s from my husband’s side of the family. Alex calls me B, my sister and her husband/kids call me Beep, my parents and brother call me PDQ. My friends call me Beech. They all have back stories besides the ‘B,’ because that’s what my name starts with. Obviously.

Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs?
Rural, hands down. I live in the suburbs now and I hate it. People… gross.

Where did you buy your jeans?
The ones I’m wearing? Old Navy. I buy most my jeans there or JCPenney. They seem to have the best deals and I like the way they fit. I’m not exactly the classiest clothes buyer – I just go for comfort. I wear a solid t-shirt and jeans basically every day of my life. I’m boring as hell.

How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real?
In first grade, sadly. So I think six? Some kid said it in the classroom and the teacher confirmed he was right. My mom was so pissed she called the school and complained. Six is too young to lose your belief. It’s a cruel, cruel world we live in.

 

-Pick one(or more, if you want) and answer below! That we can get to know each other better. Don’t you want to get more close and personal with me? I know you do.

adventures in awkward

I’m still slowly finding my way out of the sludge of my months-long-hiatus on this blog. I’m not sure why it takes me so long to write  a post now, but I’ve been plagued with some pretty severe writer’s block. Everything I write makes me cringe like a 14-year-old who has parents that go out of their way to embarrass them as many ways as possible. (You know, like when your mom dropped you off at school in her pajamas and didn’t bother combing her hair or putting a bra on? Damn, those years were rough.) I used to crank out posts every other day, but now I’m only managing one a week. Brain? Hello? Are you in there?  Your presence is requested on the poop deck. 

I don’t normally respond to blogger awards but I thought it would be fun to answer some questions, then ask you guys some.  I like learning about you guys anyways, considering I spend a lot of time reading your blogs. So, answer my questions, okay? Answer them or else!  

Here are questions that were asked of me by hotmessmemoir. She’s the one who nominated me. She kicks ass, so check out her blog:

You are given an unlimited amount of money by Daddy Warbucks. The only stipulation is it must be spent on a dream you’ve had. What is that dream?  I’m assuming this means the money must be spent to make the dream come true? That’s what I’m going with, at least. I’m not very good at remembering dreams… but I have a recurring one where my brother is super pregnant. I’d choose that one, hands down. Why? My brother can be douchey sometimes, and it would bring me great pleasure to watch him waddle around in public munching on a turkey leg while everyone gave him dirty looks and shielded their children’s eyes. The horror!

turkeyleg

 

What are you really good at? Embarrassing the people who are ballsy enough to go in public with me. It takes skill. Need some tips? Hit me up.

 

What have you never learned to do? Anything ‘yard’ related – like rake, mow, or anything else outside. My family was very old school growing up. The girls did the inside work while the guys did outside.  I helped pull weeds for the first time last year (at the age of 28, mind you) for all of 5 minutes. Alex laughed at me the whole time because I hate to be dirty. Needless to say – that 5 minutes was long enough. Never again, I say. Never again!  I can fold laundry like a champ and make an ass-kicking homemade mac-and-cheese though.

housework

Here are my questions for y’all: (answer some, all, or be lame and sit and the corner and pick your nose and flick it at the wall. Whatever floats your boat.)

  1. Think of the person you dislike the most in this world. If you had the ability to force them to eat a full plate of anything you wanted, what would it be? ( I would choose a nice corn and rabbit turd salad tossed with a deliciously warm cat-piss-vinaigrette.)
  2.  What do you have an irrational fear of? Spiders? Heights? People who pick their nose and flick it at the wall?
  3. You’re going out to dinner tonight – what type of restaurant are you going to? Mexican? Chinese? American? Italian?
  4. If you’re a blogger – do you have aspirations of writing a book at some point? (Really curious about how many bloggers have the end goal of becoming a published author or if you’re just doing it for fun.)
rambles

I’ve been plagued with the cold-from-hell for over a week and strung out on so much cold medicine I could barely comprehend some of the comments you guys left on my last post. So, I’m sorry if I responded with something that made no sense. It was the drugs. The drugs, I tell you! I’ve been MIA but I’m starting to catch up with everyone’s blogs tonight finally!

fun-with-drugs-332x249

I don’t have the mental capacity to write today so I’m going to do something totally batshit crazy over here and respond to an award nomination I received. Sort of. I’m going to respond to Lady Dickson’s questions because she kicks ass but, instead of nominating people I’m just going to ask YOU guys a couple questions at the bottom so we can get to know each other a little better. We’re all friends here, right? Answer my damn questions then! (kidding, kidding.)

Lady Dickson’s questions for me:

  1. Where’s the farthest you’ve traveled from home? I don’t travel much so… the Caribbean? I’m boring. Someone come take me on vacation! 
  2. If you could have witnessed any major historical event, which would you choose? Is it sad I can’t think of anything? Most historical things that come to mind are tragedies… I think I’ll stick with the present.
  3. What is your go to conversation starter? I don’t have one as I try not to start conversations! The woe of a socially awkward crazy lady.
  4. Why did you start a blog? To meet and connect with people while doing something I love (writing)
  5. What is your favourite and least favourite word? Slice/Mortified (Not sure why it’s my favorite, but I sure say it a lot !)
  6. Have you ever been stung by a bee? Five too many times
  7. Who is your favourite comedian? Nick Swordson (A totally random but totally hilarious guy)
  8. Which cartoon character is your spirit animal? Garfield.garfield
  9. What movie have you walked out on/did you wish you walked out on? Anchorman. I walked out on it the first time I saw it. Then I watched it again at home a year later and loved it. Not sure what my deal was the first time around.
  10. How many cats is too many cats to own? Is this a joke? You can’t have too many cats…

Here are my questions for y’all: 

  1. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  2. Would you rather be forced to wear fish-scented deodorant all day, or pants made out of bologna? 
  3. If you could punch somebody you know in the face right now, who would it be and why? (Someone you know! I know everybody wants to punch Trump already lol)
  4.  Who is your favorite blogger and why? Share their link!

Answer some or all!