cat lady chronicles, giveaways, things that matter

Everyone who wished me a happy birthday: thank you. Seriously. You guys kick so. much. ass. A lot of you said amazingly kind things to me, and I was really touched. And I don’t mean the creepy touching that my pervy cousin subjects me to every time we have a reunion hug that lasts a little too long. He’s a lingerer. I enjoyed this touching. It was nice. 

I’ve learned a lot about you guys from your giveaway submissions:
– Some of you are kind enough to open your house to foster cats (and dogs) and are helping them transition to their new homes.
– Some of you have taken in 3,4,5+ strays as the weather takes its turn towards winter. (including two people who are currently housing pregnant cats, and are playing a significant role in the welfare of her kittens)
– A lot of you are animal rescuers and have given your cats an amazing and new chance at life.
– Some of you have recently had pets pass away, and want to donate the prize in their memory.
– I’ve had people ask me, if their name was drawn, to sell the prize and donate the money to the SPCA instead.
– People have asked me how they can purchase the crocheted toys I make because they want to help benefit the SPCA. (I’m actually in the process of setting up an Etsy shop where all profits will be donated to the SPCA. I’ve just been delayed a bit!)

I’m never serious on this blog, but I wanted to point out that there are some really awesome bloggers on here. People who have big hearts, and lots of love to share. Your generosity is a great reminder of what’s good in the world. I’ve read and loved all of your stories, and appreciate everything you guys have done. Thank you. I wish I could share some wine and a piece of my birthday cake with you guys. (Well, maybe a bite. Cake is important to a girl.)

If you haven’t entered yet, and want to do so, go here: Cat-Crazy Giveaway You can still enter through the end of Saturday (11:59 pm EST)

pixandziggy

cat lady chronicles, giveaways

What does any mature and sophisticated newly 29-year-old adult want to do on her birthday? I’m pretty sure the right answer is hide under a comfy blanket with coffee in hand and spend the day with her cat. That’s what I want to do, at least. The only problem is Pix will barely put up with the audacity of me ‘being present’ for so long before she realizes that laying in the sun is a much more tempting offer. I don’t blame her, really.

Today is my birthday. The best thing about birthdays? Gifts. (And getting to do whatever the hell you want all day without anyone telling you you’re a lazy sack. Oh, and cake. Mmm) So, I thought it would be fun to give a present away. It contains the necessary items to attain my ideal ‘perfect day.’ A super soft blanket,  a mug for your coffee, and fun things to make your cat(s) want to spend the day with you.

catgiveaway2

Included in the giveaway is:
– A plush red and brown new cat bed
– A plaid fleece blanket
– A cat-crazy coffee mug
– Kitty treats
– 3 crocheted balls that rattle
– 3 crocheted catnip-infused mice
– 2 crocheted sling bands (Pix’s favorite!)

All crocheted toys are done by yours truly. Normally, I  sell them to raise money for the SPCA and these are the colors I had on hand. If you want specific colors, just ask! I hoard yarn in every color imaginable.

To enter: Fill out the form below. In the ‘comment’ section of the form, please say what state you live in (US) or what country. You can enter from now through the end of Saturday (11:59pm EST). The winner will be drawn at random and announced here Sunday.

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If you have a cat: enter
If you don’t, but know someone who does: enter (I’ll mail it out before Christmas)
If you don’t have a cat, or know any cat lovers: enter and donate it to your local humane society. I’m sure they would appreciate it.

Next time, I’ll do a more generic giveaway. Like money, or an Amazon gift card. But, it’s my birthday. As Cartman would say:  I do what I want! 

catgiveaway

(This giveaway is sponsored by my husband. Who happily supported me spending money in order to do this even though I don’t make money blogging. He’s pretty kickass)

tuesday trivia

It’s T-T-T-Tuesday. Which means: it’s trivia day. Normally, I just share a fact, but I thought it would be fun to cover more of a topic this time. Are you ready?  Here we go, friends.

Topic of the day: Outdated and ridiculous laws that are still in effect. Making you wonder the reasons they were once necessary in the first place and what idiots needed these stipulations.

supertroopersmeow

United States:

  1. You are not allowed to keep an ice cream cone in your back pocket. (Alabama)
  2. It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane (Alaska)
  3. It is a $500 fine to instruct a pizza delivery man to deliver a pizza to your friend without them knowing. (Louisiana)
  4. Elephants my not be used to plow cotton fields (North Carolina)
  5. Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 PM. (New York)
  6. It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. (California)

And, a few international ones:

  1. It is illegal for a lady to eat chocolates on a public conveyance. (United Kingdom)
  2. Citizens may not publicly remove bandages. (Canada)
  3. No pig may be addressed as Napoleon by its owner. (France)
  4. It is illegal to wear hot pink pants after midday Sunday (Australia)

 

If you are curious what stupid laws there are in your state or country, visit here: www.dumblaws.com  – There are countless of them.

Now, who lives in New York and wants to bake cookies and offer them to a police officer while they wear slippers tonight just to see what happens?

Anyone in Australia feel the need to wear their hot pink pants this Sunday? Wait… does anybody even own hot pink pants anymore?

rambles

Ever have one of those days?  You know, the kind where you get to finally find out what urine tastes like, and take a knuckle-puck to the face? Unfortunately, I have. A ‘knuckle-puck’ is not a clever way of saying I was punched. I’m talking about a Mighty-Ducks-inspired hockey shot that drove a puck, courtesy of my brother, right into the cheek of a sad, awkward 8-year-old clutching a Cabbage Patch Kids lunchbox. If you haven’t heard of The Mighty Ducks: you suck and there’s simply no way we can go on being friends any longer. We’re done. (Okay, I’m only joking.) I don’t think I’ve ever even eluded to the fact that I have an older brother. But, he does exist, and he was being an asshole that day. Now, I will say in his defense – I don’t think he  was actually aiming at me. Or… that’s what I like to tell myself, at least.

It was winter in Connecticut at the time. When I ran inside crying to my mom, she sent me back out to lay in the snow. She wasn’t going to let me use the frozen peas she paid for to rest on my bruise when there was free snow just laying around everywhere outside. C’mon, now. 

monstersincsnowcone

This is where a shitty situation turned, well… pissy. All I can say is: don’t believe it when someone tells you yellow snow is just extra lemonade they dumped out earlier in the day. My 8-year-old self can assure you – it’s not. 

It was a rough day. Boys, I tell ya.

rambles

Well, it’s finally happened. I lost my virginity last night. I have to say — it was pretty magical. We were outside, clutching each other close underneath the Christmas lights.  It was…. perfect.

I finally got to pick out my first-ever live Christmas tree. Woooo. (Come on, guys. I’m married. How sad would it be if I actually was a virgin?) When I was growing up, we always had a fake one. My parents are practical, stuffy neat-freaks. Why the hell would you cut a tree down and bring it inside when it will cause a mess of pine needles all over the floor? Blasphemous! Since our cat is allergic to everything and your mother. (Yes, even YOUR mother. I mean — have you ever heard of a cat allergic to dogs? She’s quite special) We have never had a real tree because we were afraid it would bother her.

christmastreelotSadly, the tree won’t be living in our house due to the cat, but my in-laws still invited us to dinner and to help them pick their two out. For a Christmas fanatic — it tickled my fancy quite a bit.

But, we had a debate last night that needs to be settled. I’m really curious about y’all’s opinions: At the restaurant where we had dinner there was a man with a service dog next to us. He was an emotional support dog. The man was eating alone and sharing all of his food with the begging pup. When the man ran out of fries to supply to him, the dog started begging at nearby tables for random people’s food. Our opinions were all different at the table. If you were sitting at the table with us, what would you be thinking? (I don’t think the poll can be seen on the Reader)

 

rambles

Last night I received an anonymous email telling me the reasons I’m going to hell. Swearing. Sexual references. Talking about crude bodily functions. I’m on the fast track, people. You better stand clear.  In my mind, ‘shit’ is a simply a word. Sex is a normal, healthy, adult behavior. Pooping? Well, everybody poops. Even 2-year-olds know this. Relax. If you think I’m going to hell solely for these things, well… you’re implying God is an asshole.

familyguygod

You can tell me why I’m going to hell. How much my grammar sucks. That you hope my cat pees on my pillow while I’m sleeping on it. List the reasons why you hate me. It’s all fine… as long as you tell me who you are so I can email you back. We are adults. We should be able to have a conversation and act like it. Right? Usually, I do appreciate the honesty.

On a different note: I wrote most of this post last night. This morning when I was running, I tripped and fell into a bush covered in thorns. I was far from home, so I had to keep going for awhile with blood all over my legs. A few people asked if I was okay, but most stared at me like I was bat-shit-crazy. Am I being punished? Is this karma? WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?

tuesday trivia

Fun Fact: When you randomly wake up around 2-3 am there is an 80% chance someone is staring at you.

How many people will be shitting their pants tonight while trying to fall asleep? I wake up in the middle of the night almost every night, so whether this is true or not, I’m scarred. From now on, we’ll all be stuck waking up in a panic at 2 am. Peering around like lunaticssantawatchesyou with our blankets clutched to our faces and fumbling to use our phones as flashlights. There are some good times ahead, guys.

Well, it’s December. My favorite month of the year. My husband has finally agreed to shave his beard, and later in the month we all get to come together and celebrate the birth of one kickass individual. We can sing songs. Eat cookies. Drink a lot of wine. Give some gifts. It’s a day for everyone to be joyful.

Obviously… I’m talking about myself. My birthday is next week. Go get your party hats ready. (I guess Jesus’s birthday and Christmas are pretty important parts of December, too.)

cat lady chronicles, rambles

For the love of God!  I mean… Cats! For the love of cats!

pixykitty

I’ve been trying to stay on top of my Christmas shopping this year, and I’m happy to announce: I’ve been kicking some serious ass. I’m almost done.  So, I’m pretty sure that warrants a pat on the back or something as it’s not even December yet. And a cookie. Maybe a brownie. Okay…both. I want both, damn it.

Who’s getting the most gifts from us this year? The cat. Yep, you read that right. Our pet cat. I’m not sure how or when this happened, but I’ve become one of those strange cat ladies.  The kind that has conversations with a non-verbal cat more often than with other human beings. Sometimes we share pieces of cheese together and take turns licking the same ice cream cone. (Okay, I don’t actually do that. Have you ever smelled cat breath? Blech.)  Sadly, I’m not even 30 yet. I didn’t think crazy-cat-lady syndrome could happen so early.

cattalk

So far, she will have a new cat tree, water fountain, automatic feeder, litter box, bed, blanket, and a slew of toys under the tree. I can’t wait to see the look on her face on Christmas morning when she gets to open them all.

……. We really need to have kids or something. This is getting scary. Help

rambles

What’s your biggest phobia? Everyone’s got a few. One of mine? Getting caught in a crowd-gone-crazy and being trampled to death. I know, completely random and irrational. To me, laying naked in a coffin full of spiders crawling all over my skin sounds more enjoyable than going anywhere jam-packed and crowded. Tight spaces? Fine. Spiders on my face? Okay, I can deal. Going to the State Fair? No way in hell. Concert? I might start crying. Parents: be careful you aren’t forever traumatizing your children with Where’s Waldo books. That’s the shit nightmares are made of.

spiderbox

So, yesterday when I decided to go shopping on Black Friday for the first time, it was a big deal. I’ve always been one of those people who thought holiday shoppers were just a bunch of rabid crazies, but…I have to admit — it was kind of fun. I got to shove, elbow, and trip a few people. Throw up the bird here and there. All while saving a few dollars. (My mother, and Joe Rogan, would be so proud.) Plus, it gave me the chance to escape family and be alone for a little bit. It was a holiday win for me. Not so much for the people I took out, though. Those poor shmucks. 

I went into Thanksgiving a bit cautious after the whole stuffing fiasco with my mother-in-law. It went pretty well.  I was pumped full of so much wine I could barely move and pretty oblivious to anything going on. Until dessert rolled around, and she neatly laid all of the choices out on the table. All of them except the one I brought. Which was left alone and covered on an empty table in another room. I think it was on purpose. Alex thinks I’m being paranoid. Which one of us is right?  Only time will tell.

rambles

How many times have you plugged your medical symptoms into Google in an attempt to figure out what the hell was going on with your body? If you haven’t ever done this, for the love of god, don’t start. Unless you think it’s fun to read the numerous ways you might die by the time dinner rolls around. You sick fuck. Just leave it to the professionals, guys. Google is a rude bitch who will try to convince naive teenage girls they can pregnant from gobbling the turkey. (I’ve actually seen girls think this — what the hell, parents? Talk to your kids.) It’s shady and you don’t want to trust it with easing your paranoia.

selfdiagnosis

Speaking of turkey — today is Thanksgiving prep day. For the past few years, I’ve been in charge of the same foods: stuffing, mashed potatoes, and apple crisp. This time around, my mother-in-law basically begged me to not make the stuffing. She told me, with a forced smile, that she bought the ingredients to make stuffing weeks ago. Apparently mine has been so bad in the past she had to plan a month in advance. What the hell? Thanks, Karen. That didn’t sting like a bitch or anything. 

Have fun cooking today, y’all. Hope everyone who is traveling is doing so safely. To all non-Americans who are going about their day like every other Wednesday: happy humping. (It is hump day, after all. Get to it.)