it’s time for a finger poppin’

Over the weekend I was accosted by a surly unibrowed woman in Target over a Tickle Me Elmo.  It was like being transported back to the time when Backstreet Boys ruled the airwaves and having big hair was actually fashionable rather than just being a surefire way to pick out the Carol of the group. (You know Carol. She’s the annoying one everyone invites to be nice, but no one really likes her.) Poor Carol. Poor poor Carol.

There I was mid sentence, explaining to my 11-year-old niece how Elmo drove people batshit crazy in the 90s, and this woman walks up. She was mad that I clicked the ‘try it now’ button which sent Elmo into a roaring laughter. (Which, I have to say, is really goddamn obnoxious to be honest. He sounds like a monkey getting his rectum finger popped. Not that I’ve ever heard that – just assuming.) She pointed her finger in my face and told me that I was the sole reason her migraine was getting worse, and that I was too old to be playing with toys and being loud in public…… What?

This woman left her house on a Saturday, went to one of the busiest stores in town to walk her grumpy ass through the kid’s section full of toys…  all while she apparently had an excruciating migraine. Yet it’s my fault her migraine is getting worse.  Do people not have common sense anymore? Has fast food caused people brains to shrivel up to the size of a raisin? What is going on in this world?

PS – I’m 100% the Carol of my group. Don’t feel bad, fellow weirdos and awkward folk. You’re in good company.

 

83 Comments

  1. Your self-absorbed snowflake shopper sounds like the vast majority of hipsters from my neighborhood. Their mantra is the “entire world is raining on their parade” and it’s somehow my fault. Ugh. For special effect, I hope you pulled every single Elmo string in the store.

    Reply
  2. Yeah, My(graine) Gal sounds like critical thinking and problem solving might be blind spots for her.
    Oh, and y’know…accountability.
    Sheesh. People are, well, people are awful. Sometimes that’s awful funny and other times it’s just awful.
    You’re awful funny…CAROL. 😀

    Reply
  3. I sympathize with the woman in Target, after a night a drinking I awoke to the sound of my neighbor cutting his lawn. Yes, it was 2:00 pm and yes, he lives a quarter mile away – but does he really have to be that rude?

    Reply
  4. Kim

    She’d totally hate me and I’d be a constant brunt of her tirade because I ALWAYS push the “try me” buttons on animated toys! I love to go in a store when the Christmas stuff is out and get all the dancing Santas, etc. doing their thing! Store clerks LOVE me for making their Christmas dept such a festive place!

    Reply
    1. Hahaha oh man. I’m sure they truly enjoy your festive cheer. You would be my husband’s worst nightmare in a store 😀 He hates when I press the things! I just pressed one of some howling Halloween cat in Target and he almost divorced me. (slight exaggeration there lol)

      Reply
  5. My sister bought my toddler daughter one of those Elmos right at the height of the 90’s craziness. We tried to tell my sister to sell the one she had gotten right away, because she could probably have gotten something like $700 for it. Then she could buy my toddler something else she would like just as much, pay for all her other christmas shopping, and pay off a bunch of bills besides. My sister wouldn’t do it, so UbiDubiKid#1 wound up with the Elmo. She liked it, I guess, but it was never the favorite toy that got dragged along everywhere.

    Reply
    1. Wow, I gotta give it to your sister for not selling it. I would have sold it in two seconds. Toddlers don’t give a crap about what they get anyway! Hahaha. I’m cheap and would have turned that around for profit without a second thought. (I’m a slightly terrible person though, oops)

      Reply
  6. I’m pretty sure I’m the Carol of my group, too. But personally. I think we’re the ones that rock the most! We don’t conform to the norm of society. Which makes us the LEAST boring. 🙂

    Reply
  7. Um, no doubt her poor decision-making skills are hurting everyone around her, even strangers at Target.
    “Are you lost? How did you get here? Do you live at Target?”
    I’da pushed the button again.

    Reply
  8. josypheen

    I might be the carol of my group too. Eep!

    Migrane-lady was probably just salty because her head war hurting and she wanted the rest of the world to feel as rubbish as she felt. That is no excuse though. She sounds like an obnoxious eejit.

    Reply
  9. I’m Carol too, only most people stopped even inviting me to be nice…it’s ok, I probably would never go anyway. Also, there’s too much stupid in the world. I don’t get it either. I probably would have considered pressing the buttons on ALL of the annoying toys just because.

    Reply
  10. The first Carol who came to mind was the Carol from TWD. I was a little confused, because she’s one bad ass bitch! I don’t know where you live, but I’d move. It seems you come into contact with some of the weirdest people out there. Not sure how you find these people.

    Reply
  11. I’m one of those people who presses every button on every noisy toy. The only really good thing about Christmas is the talking Santa’s and bell-ringing Rudolph’s in the stores. When the singing Marlin came out years ago, I pressed every button on every toy, and stood and watched amid murderous looks from other customers and store clerks as they sang almost in unison for seven and a half minutes.. LOL 😀

    How I wish we had these ducks here in the Netherlands, I’d be bouncing up and down in there, just to make them scream.! 😀 https://youtu.be/nHc288IPFzk

    Reply
  12. After the woman’s tirade I would have reached over and made Elmo laugh again. And again. And again. All while staring at her. Until she got the idea and huffed off. I possibly would have made a recording of Elmo’s laugh on my cell phone and played it from other parts of the store, while hiding around the corner from her. I might even played said recording over the intercom by picking up one of the phones positioned around the store for employees to call to one another, so she can enjoy it wherever she is in the store.

    Somebody wants to trying to rain on my parade, I can show them what real rain is.

    Reply
  13. I stock the toy department at Walmart. You probably should have followed her when she walked past the dogs that bark, cats that meow, and dolls that cry all based on motion sensors. She probably told all of them to grow up/shut up too. (Or crawled out of her skin.)

    Reply
  14. I hope you responded in a passive aggressive way by shouting back “I’M SO SORRY THAT YOU I’M CAUSING YOUR MIGRAINE TO GET WORSE, MAYBE YOU SHOULD LEAVE THE STORE BEFORE YOU LASH OUT AT SOMEONE AND DO SOMETHING STUPID.” and then handed her the Elmo for comfort.

    Reply
  15. She would have taken me down. I have a compulsion to press every button I can find on interactive toys. I love hearing and seeing them all go at once, at least a few times or five. Send her my way pleeeeeeaaaasssseee…

    Reply
  16. These days, lack of common sense is so normal it’s scary. Being sensible is considered an anomaly. Not sure how I’d have reacted to her (would’ve depended on my mood), but she def earned being taken down some pegs for her nonsense.

    Reply
  17. I lived for a number of years up in the Arctic which has no malls, etc. So when I would come back south for the summer and find myself in a mall I could only stay a few minutes because I wasn’t used to the noise. Humans are very, very loud creatures.
    So this weekend, I was out shopping with my wife and decided to be polite and turn the volume up on my hearing aids so that I could actually hear what she was saying.
    I took two steps into the mall and had to head right back out. I can’t imagine what I would have done to an Elmo doll!
    I wouldn’t have blamed you though.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: