let’s gorge ourselves on Oreos

Random-As-Shit Thoughts On A Tuesday

1. I’ve wandered off the plank and I’m drowning deep in what has to be the worst bout of writer’s block imaginable. It’s rough down here. I’m trying to tread water but my head’s been under so long I’m at the point where I’ve turned into a catatonic vegetable without a functioning brain anymore. Β And not a good one like a cucumber either, more like a lone asparagus stalk that’s sole purpose is to make your pee smell like sulfuric death. (Am I the only that one that’s completely repulsed by asparagus? Yuck.) Anyways, I want to be here. I miss you guys. I feel like I’ve made a lot of friends on here and I’ve been cheating on you with my Β real life, which… let’s be honest… is far less fun and interesting. I’ve made a schedule for myself and plan to be here daily to post or read your guy’s posts. It will take me forever to catch up, but it starts today. What have you done to get over writer’s block? Or do you just gorge on a sleeve of Oreos dipped in peanut butter until it goes away?

2. I’m hoping none of you guys were affected by Harvey or Irma. My brother and his girlfriend live in Fort Lauderdale, Fl, so we had some unexpected guests here for about a week. It’s always fun having people stay at your house unexpectedly, not knowing when they’ll be able to leave, while simultaneously eating all of the food in your kitchen. Let me tell you, nothing tips the depression scale more than waking up to enjoy your favorite coffee only to find out your guests have killed the last of your sugar-free creamer. The horror! The madness! You can’t mess with people’s coffee. This is America, god damn it! Really, though… I would have let them stay for however long they needed. I hope if any of your had to evacuate, you had a safe place to go. I’m over hurricane season.

3. I have a random question to ask you guys. I asked Alex this a few nights ago and I’ve asked a few other people since then just to see what their answers would be. We are approaching Halloween, so it’s a fitting question.

– If you died today and could choose one person to haunt for the rest of their life, who would it be and why? (It has to be someone you’ve met in real life, I know the majority of you want to haunt Trump. Also, it doesn’t have to be a scary haunting like you’re Pennywise or something, you could just be a ghost that is annoying as hell.)

129 Comments

  1. Nonsense, it always takes two sleeves of Oreos though I get better results with the Girl Scout’s Thin Mints to get through writer’s block. Good luck getting through it, just know we all get it. You could use it as your ghost and pass it on to someone you’re not so fond of. Glad to hear your family is safe from the hurricanes. Let’s hope Maria doesn’t get any bright ideas and do a repeat of Irma. Sheesh, what is it about mean girls?

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  2. You’re going to be very busy knocking on doors as people start masturbating. You will need lots of helpers. I am hereby volunteering, I think it will be great fun!

    Difficult choice on who to haunt. I think it would be my Rugby teacher, who was a bully, probably a paedophile, and a thoroughly nasty man. He’s probably long dead now though!

    Hang on , there’s someone knocking at the door. (hastily zips up fly!)

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  3. I think I would haunt my husband by randomly touching his back or something so it feels like a spider is crawling on him. He hates spiders. Then he would hear my hysterical laughter and know it’s all in good fun πŸ™‚

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  4. If I want to write or paint and I can’t seem to do it I go do something else I really like to do, like play music or forage for mushrooms. On my blog I try to post regularly if I’m around and if I don’t feel like writing about something I’ll post a picture or a tune or whatever. I don’t feel there are any rules. PS I don’t want to haunt anybody.

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  5. Oh, and I don’t want to haunt anyone. Too people-y. Maybe my neurotic dog, Little Richard, just to give him a valid reason to act like a little dick? Oh, wait. I can’t believe I never saw that before: Little Dick. Very appropriate.

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  6. I frequently have writer’s block – eating lots of chocolate doesn’t really help but I like to do it anyway. Cutting myself some slack and trying not to worry about it helps. I find it best to walk the dogs or do something else rather than sit staring at the computer. Or I comment on people’s blogs like now. Book needs to be finished in a very short amount of time but I am in denial about it ……. not sure who I would haunt if anyone. I guess if I am going to be dead I would rather just be properly dead – if that makes sense.

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  7. Oreos and peanut butter?! Why have I never thought of that before?!? And how dare they mess with your coffee! Omg I would die if someone did that here. But I am glad they were able to be safe at your house πŸ™‚

    As for the haunting, I would probably be the annoying ghost and haunt like my brother? Annoying little sister in life and in death? Seems fitting.

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  8. Write from your heart. It never blocks. If that doesn’t work, bourbon, with or without oreos though I prefer fig newtons.

    I can think of a lot of people who would be deserving of a good haunt but I can’t think of a reason to use all that supernatural energy on them. I’d rather spend my afterlife time gently guiding my daughter through life, hopefully in a way she appreciates but never exactly can figure out. Isn’t that what dads are supposed to do?

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  9. Don’t put any pressure on yourself girl! You do NOT have to….

    LOVE asparagus and after a day or so your pee doesn’t smell anymore πŸ™‚
    Don’t do Halloween so question doesn’t apply to me – and I don’t want to haunt anybody anyway. I’m such a bore πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ Oh wait, I think I could go with your last suggestion of haunting masturbators – that one looks like a good revenge and it covers A LOT of ground!

    Love you – with or without writing regularly – kisses xoxoxoxoxo

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  10. Asparagus is disgusting – no quarrel with you on that one. Might as well eat grass…

    Hmmmm – getting myself over writer’s block? Pull up a random Google search – type in one word, then another that you wouldn’t think goes with the first one, then a third if Google doesn’t give you options at that point.

    Once Google gives you options – pick the third one (or the 2nd, the 4th…whatever floats yer boat) – and browse a couple of the offerings.

    Write about that.

    somewhere along this exercise, your brain will start to make sense of what you’ve read, begin popping up ideas of its own, and a written piece will emerge.

    Or – go out on a long walk with your camera, no particular destination in mind, and photograph whatever catches your eye. Write about that when you’re done with your walk.

    Now – if I were a ghost….hmmmm….I wouldn’t wanna attach my ghostly self to any one single, living person…that’d get boring after a while. I’d rather attach to a place. Any of my greenspaces along the Fox River would do nicely.

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    1. I’ve never heard of that Google writer’s block trick, but I can see how it would turn up some hilarious things to talk about. I’m 100% going to try it next time I’m stuck haha. I also like your camera idea. Thanks for some good tips. I haven’t tried either of those before! Attaching yourself to a place works just as well, as long as you’re scaring or annoying the shit out of people πŸ˜€

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  11. Wikipedia has a ‘random article’ button, I’ll read a sentence or two, then click again. Sooner or later the brain starts making new connections, usually unrelated to the Lexicon School Kandy, Sri Lanka.

    I’ve been a ghost a while now and I haunted Hillary Clinton’s campaign. Just kidding, she lost all on her own! πŸ™‚

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  12. HEY! I’M A WRITER! I KNOW THINGS!

    well, i pretend to be a writer, anyway…

    Ways that I fight writers-block: keep writing and hope it goes away. Seriously. Stop laughing at me. You’re hurting my feelings..

    ANYWAY, what I mean by that is I continue the story in the direction that I want to go from the point that I am stuck on forward. Usually, it helps me figure out what tone I want to confront the situation in, and gives me a point to write back from.

    I find being stuck in what to write next less demeaning than feeling very good about what you have written only to realize you just finished page 70 and the story, “though fantastic”, is way to short to market.

    I am having that issue currently.
    Do you have a way of combating that?
    PleaseGodSayYouDo.

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    1. I would never laugh at you :D. Well, maybe a little, I’m not an angel. I wish I had a way of combating that! I don’t know, because I have done the exact same thing. Then adding on makes you feel like you’re rambling and adding things that are totally unnecessary to the story in general.

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  13. I like asparagus, but prefer Oreos. Coffee is too important, I’d not bother the hostesses last of anything, let alone her creamer.
    My parents had to evacuate, but when they got home it wasn’t TOO bad and they could live there still.
    I don’t know that I’d want to haunt anyone. I think I’ll have better things to do in the afterlife, but it’d be cool to pop in and see generations of my kin πŸ™‚

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  14. My younger brother because I know he wouldn’t want to be alone. But I guess for me / us it’s different. Mom died a year and a half ago. If I died now I think it would be too soon for him to be ok. He would still want me around and I would want to be there for him.

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  15. Got thru Irma down here in Tampa with just some minor inconvenience, thankfully. Finally got all the yard debris cleaned up. As for writer’s block – good luck. Got no advice for that. I just write when the spirit moves me and sometimes there’s a dry spell. Never been a very disciplined writer. Yeah, asparagus piss – pee-yew!

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  16. Irma was a blustery old blowhard by the time her winds reached the mountains of NC, so, other than roof damage to my birdhouse on the deck, nothing to write home about.

    I’ve just come out of an extended writer’s block, and have revved up surprisingly (not to make you feel bad). I’ve gone into my closet of long-forgotten projects to review and reevaluate, with the imposed requirement of finishing so much that I started. My distractions (really, excuses) are no longer “haunting” me. Segue.

    I’m glad you clarified the word “haunting,” because I wouldn’t want to be one of those nasty scary types. As long as I could trip through time, I’d zero in on a family member, perhaps, to see and understand how life impacted them. And, if possible, to provide them critical insight. Yeah, I know when you time travel you can’t mess with anything. But, really? What if you COULD give Adolf Hitler a passion for his early career in writing greeting cards?

    And, popcorn.

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    1. NOT THE BIRDHOUSE! I hope you fixed up their home for them πŸ˜€ I need some of your revving up skills, because holy crap, I’m struggling over here. Did Hitler really have a passion for greeting cards? I can’t imagine him sitting down and writing out a funny little birthday card.

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  17. I would haunt my husband, but like in a nice way. Like get rid of spiders for him and turn off lights when they aren’t in use. But also maybe leave the garage door open or hide the remote once a month so he knows that even in death I can be a pain in the rear.

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  18. My Random Thoughts:

    I think a whole package of Oreos is in order. I am in the same spot here, but I know it’s the depression imposed Imposter Syndrome that is behind it. Trying to get back on track mentally and hoping that helps.

    Asparagus is awesome!

    Glad your family is safe from the hurricanes. But if they messed with my coffee- I’d drown ’em myself!

    Haunting? Hmmm, so many choices. Can I do a rotation sort of thing? Like, a week here, and a week there? Added bonus with that is just when one of the hauntees thinks I’m gone- poof! I’m baaaack!

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  19. Whenever I have writer’s block I read – I get caught up on books I’ve been meaning to get to or I get caught up on all of the blogs I follow as well as look for new ones. It really helps!

    I’d be a pretty petty ghost so I would probably haunt whoever is annoying me the most prior to becoming a ghost.

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  20. Got hit by Irma. But we’re alive. Only lost power for a whole second. I swore really loudly and it came back on. Alas, the power of the “F” word.

    If I were to die and wanted to haunt someone it would be this dude I used to work for. It was a “Christian Business” and I got fired on my 90th day so they could pretty much get a new hire tax credit and not have to pay my insurance. Also, they contracted out to this dude who hired illegals to do government jobs, knowing full well they were illegals, but went through a middle man so they wouldn’t get busted.

    I’d haunt the fuck out of that dude.

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  21. Stop it, that meme is HYSTERICAL!!! I guess I would haunt my sister, so I can continue to annoy her and gossip with her foreverrrrrrrrrrrrr.

    Also, writers block is the worst. I’ve been struggling with my fiction writing as of late. It all just feels, meh, ya know? I think Oreos are probably the answer– that, and a parade of kittens (and, let’s be real, A LOT of wine).

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  22. Who would I haunt? I have a list. Enough said. ; p

    As for writers block, I mostly just wallow, watch TV., touch myself, be lazy as all fuck, and hope it will find me disgusting enough to run away.
    Luckily it does go away,
    eventually.

    Meno<3

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  23. I usually do a lot of Internet surfing to get ideas when I am stuck and other times I walk around talking to myself and making notes and soon I am back on the PC full of ideas. You mentioned Halloween now don’t think I have gone over the edge I haven’t in fact I am getting stronger every day just some days it still gets so overwhelming. So here goes August 17 my husband died and it was unexpected and hurtful and so sad and now all I want to do is spend this Halloween with him. Hope it will be possible. My whole family had the gift of sixth sense and I have felt, heard and seen to know enough that the world beyond i just beyond our reach but I am never alone.

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    1. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. I can’t even imagine that. It would be amazing if he visited you on Halloween. Maybe he will haunt you in a good way. I totally believe your sixth sense, because I’ve felt things like that too. I hope it happens for you πŸ™‚

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  24. I’m too big an introvert to haunt anybody. If I thought I couldn’t avoid people when I’m dead, I’d cut my throat right now this instant.

    I would happily haunt a house, but my two most accommodating loves have been demolished.

    As for writer’s block? Look upon it as a sabbatical, a holiday, a recharging of your battery.

    Who in their right mind wants to do something every single bloody day of the year? Other than masturbate, that is.

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  25. So good to have you back, I’ve been waiting for ages to read something new of yours! I hope I don’t get beaten for saying this, but Oreos are bloody disgusting πŸ™ And I’d probably come back to haunt my cats (nicely), most people don’t deserve the attention. Trump? Puh-leese! That would be a total waste of my quality ghost time.

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    1. I appreciate it πŸ˜€ So nice to say. But.. how do you think Oreos are disgusting?! I think your’e the first person I’ve ever come across that doesn’t like them! That’s crazy haha. It would be fun to haunt your cats. I mean, my cats always act like they see ghosts anyways, so it wouldn’t be anything too new and scary for them lol

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      1. Umm…I don’t know really, one of those “matter of taste” things. Or could be one of those cultural things – I live in a country where Oreos were, until a few years ago, just some biscuits glimpsed in a film or TV show. In general, I’m not much into sweets and biscuity fare is my least favorite of all. So there is your explanation, I guess πŸ™‚ And I’ve just realized that I didn’t touch on the writer’s block subject before, possibly because it doesn’t really bother me – I write whenever. On the other hand, I might just be suffering from an acute case of fed-up-edness because I write every day for other people. But you’ve probably chanced upon my principal spring of inspiration: newsletters. Sometimes I’d read some piece of news about stock prices and somehow end up with an article about cats. Go figure…Anyway, i just hope you find a trick that works for you and keep those posts coming πŸ™‚

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        1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

          Thank you πŸ˜€ I wish I shared your disdain for sweets, it would definitely help my stomach chubs lol. I also wish I had your lack of writer’s block problems! Want to trade lives?

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          1. Oh, don’t be too hasty to covet my life :))) I may not be into sweets, but I’m partial to other things that definitely don’t help my silhouette and moderation is an alien concept for me. And I may not have been very clear about the writer’s block thing: I don’t have that problem simply because I never think I HAVE to produce something for my blog. If inspiration strikes, I write and post. If not…well, that’s fine with me too. But some people approach their blogs with far greater responsibility (as is obviously the case with you) so I can see how a dry creative spell may bother them.

  26. The way to overcome writers block is to just write – anything. Just sit and write. Focus on one thing from the day that happened that seemed remotely interesting. It could be remotely interesting in that it was so boring. Write about that. Anything that can be a focus to get you started. Before you know it, you’ll have a post. Worst case scenario – write about writers block. Hell, there are people who make a small fortune writing about that.

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  27. For writer’s block, there are two options (in my experience they both work):

    1. Just write. Just sit down and write. Anything. The creative juices will start flowing and ideas will pop into your head.

    2. If 1 doesn’t work fast enough (say, after a few days/weeks of trying and you’re still lost), pour yourself a glass of wine and try again. You don’t have to get drunk, but for me, I always find I get the craziest ideas when I am no longer worrying about everything around me. Wine loosens me up.

    As for the ghost-question: my ex-best friend. She turned out to be a downright bitch. If anything, she deserves to be haunted for the rest of her life (I feel so mean right now – but also so good in a way). I’d make it so she would barely get any sleep at all >:) (I suppose at this point it’s pretty unnecessary to add I am still furious by how she treated me eventually, lol!).

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  28. Recipe for curing writer’s block: write three longhand pages every morning, doesn’t matter what they’re about, feelings, gripes, what you’re going to have for breakfast, whatever, and take a 20 minute walk by yourself each day, really paying attention to your surroundings–no headphones or other agenda (like picking up trash or using it as the dog’s walk). That’s it. Don’t believe me? Try it and see. Prayers to all affected by the hurricanes, the evacuees and the ones who took in surprise visitors. Who would I haunt? A crabby former boss. I’d stand behind her and breathe down her neck every time she accessed her private email or FaceBook at work until she went off the rails with paranoia. πŸ™‚

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  29. Great post, as for writers block, I type even the smallest idea / thought into my phone. Then either in pans out into a post or lies dormant till it is retriggered by something else. Then put in a key word, to search out that thought to combine it with new thoughts, till it becomes post-able.

    Or

    Reading some of the replies to this post. The way to cure writers block is to write down what a person does to cure writers block. My, aren’t we helpful.

    Good luck.

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  30. Oreos dipped in peanut butter works for me… whether I have writer’s block or not. πŸ˜€ If I could haunt anyone, it would be my ex-. I’d make his life a living hell, just so we’re even. πŸ˜€ Depending of course on whether he kicked the bucket before I did… in which case I should prepare to be haunted by him.! Hope you get over your writers block. Maybe read a good book, and see if the rest will re-ignite your brain.

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  31. Just sit the eff down and start tippy tappy typing. Shut off the filter and let it go, let it flow. Doesn’t matter what comes out. Eventually you’ll have words and before you hit publish you can try to make it coherent. or not. We like you either way.

    Do I have to be a ghost? I was looking forward to finally getting a good night’s sleep.

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    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      I should probably just force myself to type something. It would be pretty amusing if I just put a post with some sporadic rambling and swear words mixed in. I like that idea.

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  32. I’m actually just getting out of a bout of writer’s block. Granted, it was about a 7 year stretch of writer’s block, but I actually joined a writer’s group through my temple and we meet once a month. Just going to those meetings and listening to people and talking about my writing goals has really helped. I’m about 6 chapters into writing a book now, and my free writing game has been on point. Even though the free writing doesn’t generally result in anything publishable, it’s nice just to put the pen to the page every now and then. Ya know, get the creative juices flowing.
    I’m actually moving to Florida in 40 days…The people I’m moving in with didn’t have any damage, but their surrounding area got his pretty hard. I think they are about back to normal now though, thankfully.
    As for who I would haunt, man…that’s a tough one, there’s so many people I’d love to annoy for eternity. But it would probably be my ex’s best friend. He’s just a giant douche and I’d love to see him get what he really deserves some day. πŸ™‚

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      1. Oh boy, I’m socially awkward myself, so I totally get it. I’ve been trying to purposely push my comfort zones lately, and that is the only thing that got me to join lol! “Normal me” would never do that, but I had to give myself a push. Good luck to you though! Writer’s block has to go away eventually!

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