let me tickle your pickle

The internet is a magical place. As long as you forget about the countless cyber bullies and trolls, disgusting atrocities hiding on the dark web, and hordes of people yammering on and on about politics that are impossible to avoid until you finally decide to take a screwdriver to your face and pop your eyeballs out. (Which is what I’m close to doing.) If you create a personal bubble on the internet and you’re successful in avoiding all the weird shit, it is an amazing place to be, though.Β Until your safe space gets penetrated by seriously weird search terms like mine does.

I will say, one of my favorite things about blogging is the search terms that people use to find my blog. I have zero idea why some of these led here, but they make me laugh, (and a little uncomfortable) so I’m going to share them today. These are the five strangest ones I’ve had over the last six months:

pickle tickling
i got poop on my balls
transgender crazies
have you ever seen something and busted out laughing? (The real question is…. who hasn’t?)
do sheep have vaginas?

I’ve got no words, guys. You are some strange motherfuckers.

Then, last night I was on Google looking at Adwords. (You know, the program where you pay Google to advertise your stuff for you.) I was filling out the forms to see what type of prices they had, then I saw this and was deeply offended.Β (The quality of this photo sucks. Sorry.)
The first suggestion for me to advertise my blog under is poop. POOP. Seriously, do I talk about poop often enough that Google thinks I should pay hundreds of dollars to get people who are searching for poop come around here? Is that what Google really thinks of me? I don’t know if I should be hurt or flattered. Damn it, Google. That’s strike two.

89 Comments

    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Please do! It’s pretty frightening, I’m not gonna lie. There are definitely a bunch of weirdos out there lol

      Reply
  1. S. A. Young

    OMG seriously rolling at POOP! You may not spend an inordinate amount of time discussing said subject (I’ll stop using the word so as not to prove Google right), but Google can tell you’re twisted. Which is why we’re friends.

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Right?! I don’t know where the poop thing came from – totally random! I AM twisted though, so Google hit the nail on the head with that one πŸ˜€

      Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      I must talk about poop far more often than I realize haha. I mean, I know I do in real life, but didn’t realize it was channeling through to here as well! Damn πŸ˜€

      Reply
  2. Well…everyone does it. I guess we all get obsessed about it at one point or another – especially if you stop doing it regularly.

    Seriously – if you stop having regular BM’s – your entire EXISTENCE suddenly snaps into rampant obsession over it….or the lack thereof.

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Thanks πŸ˜€ That’s the only post I could remember off the top of my head that actually had ‘poop’ in it multiple times. Otherwise…. ? I have no clue haha

      Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      I wish I had an infant to blame it on! Haha. Instead it’s just me. With a 5-year-old’s sense of humor πŸ˜€ Oops.

      Reply
  3. Maybe there is some sort of co-mingling algorithm that equates “poop” to “shit” or vice versa? Then again, who knows what Dr. Google thinks. It seems clear it doesn’t judge. On the plus side, there are smiles galore for peeps when they do land on your corner of the web. πŸ˜† Keep the good crap a-coming. We love it!

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Thank you πŸ˜€ I appreciate the kind words! That’s really smart, too… I didn’t think of that. I DO say ‘shit’ a lot. Maybe it’s considered the same as ‘poop’ in the algorithm. You’re probably right!

      Reply
  4. Not to support google assumptions – but from fellow blogger to fellow blogger – how did you find what search words were used? I’d love to see mine!
    And I don’t think you use that word an inordinate amount. Tho’ to Warrier Freya’s point – yeah loved that one too!

    Thanks for the help!

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Thank you πŸ˜€ If you click on the ‘My Sites’ tab on WordPress Reader, scroll down, ‘search terms’ is on the bottom left! Let me know if you have any good ones.

      Reply
      1. I found 2 good ones on my list…

        everyone panic

        and

        Sears Tower Sauron

        Separate, they’re memorable – and I can pick out the specific blog post I wrote or picture I slapped up there to justify that search term linking to my blog.

        But together – Everyone PANIC!!!! Sauron has come to Chicago and lit up the Sears Tower!!!

        Yea…that’s great πŸ˜€

        Reply
  5. I’m assuming ‘tickle your pickle’ is a euphemism for something.? I couldn’t take anyone seriously who said that to me. I dare not check the search terms to my blog, I’m not even sure I have any, but if I do I’m quite sure I don’t want to know what they are. πŸ˜€ People are seriously twisted, and Google just encourages them.

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Definitely a euphemism lol. There are some definite weirdos online, but some of the search terms are actually pretty funny! If you can weed through the creepy ones that make you want to throw up your lunch.

      Reply
  6. crosseyed naked girl, pink pumping, skinny naked girl, skinny naked crosseyed girl. I have none of those. I have posts with “pink pumps”, “Forty pounds, naked” and crosseyed cupid.” None of them are sexually charged. But I get the hits because, as you say, some sicko is actually sitting out there looking for that shit1

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Hahaha, oh jeez. ‘Crosseyed naked girl’…. not sure why that made me laugh so hard. I guess chicks being cross-eyed is a fetish? People are so weird.

      Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Those are some quality searches right there πŸ˜€ I am curious what giant red cannibals are though, and why people are searching for them lol. The mysteries of life!

      Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Aw, grosssss. I didn’t know dingleberries were named from sheep, I thought it was for people when they get dirty toilet paper stuck in their butt hair haha. Whoops!

      Reply
  7. My search terms are also hilarious. Most of my followers are cat video people and other bots. But I don’t care. I’ve been writing to get shit off my chest in a fun and creative way. I just subscribed to your blog; I love the way you write. We were just in OBX last week — first time in a long time and first time without a couple whose marriage was in crisis (at the time — CAN YOU IMAGINE?!) anyway, fun stuff here. πŸ™‚ -M

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Ohhh, now I’m curious what search terms you’ve gotten because I’m a cat video person myself lol. Why on earth would you go on a trip with a couple whose marriage was in crisis? Sounds like a terrible idea! (Thanks for the kind words, btw :D)

      Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Man! Now I’m curious what they are πŸ˜€ Mine is a little more risque, but I get a lot of sex related ones, and I NEVER talk about sex here. It’s so strange how it works lol

      Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      I agree. When I have kids, I will definitely be monitoring their internet usage more than I was monitored lol. It’s scary out there.

      Reply
  8. Into every life a little poop shall fall??? πŸ˜‰

    But seriously, didn’t you do a post about your weird little neighbour kid falling into the dog crap in your yard? Otherwise, just think of it as a natural biological condition. Sometimes, people get poop on their balls and have to employ Google to figure out how to get it off (the poop, not anything else). πŸ™‚

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Yes, the kid falling in poop water! That’s the only post I remember ever writing about poop, but who knows lol. Maybe I do it more often than I realize? Google works in mysterious ways!

      Reply
  9. I think I would enjoy MORE of your blogs be about poop. I mean, I know I’m a recent follower but I’m not sure you’ve actually lived up to my poop expectations. Why, just WHY, would someone need to google if a sheep has a vagina…like, why WOULDNT it have one?!?!

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Right? That’s what I was thinking? Do these people think sheep just magically become pregnant like the Virgin Mary? Jeez. I’ll try to ramp up the poop posts for you lol

      Reply
  10. My blog provider used to give me a much more detailed list of search terms but it is not as good. But there are some funny ones. Not as funny as yours! Did you do a previous post about search terms? I thought it was you that had me thinking about doing a post like it. πŸ™‚

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Yes! I do posts on them every six months or so, whenever I have enough good ones to post again πŸ˜€ Most of them don’t show up sadly, since Google likes to give people their privacy. It’s a shame lol

      Reply

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