just say no

I have a tendency to Google things that I shouldn’t and scaring the shit out myself. You know, like when you have a headache and runny nose, and instead of blaming it on the common cold, you get ballsy and look it up only to be told you’re suddenly having a stroke, massive bowel blockage, and you’re two skips and a jump away from keeling over and landing face first into your morning bowl of Cheerios. If you don’t use Google as a health consultant already, don’t start. You’re treading into dangerous territory. Just say no.

Here in North Carolina, I feel like my house has been under siege from hordes of bugs. Even after an exterminator came by, and after the hundred+ I’ve killed, (or I’ve told my husband to kill as I scream in bloody terror, rocking back forth on the couch in the fetal position in tears,) they don’t stop! It’s insanity. So, I thought I’d take to Google to figure out what type of bug was trying to become my new roommate and… lover. (I mean, I did wake up in bed with one on my lip the other day… so I’m only assuming it wants to be.)

It’s simply called a ‘house centipede.’ Okay. That’s fine… at least they are common and not coming around because of my terrible housekeeping skills. That’s a win, right? My cats are entertained for hours playing with them when they’re bored, so it’s a bit of a win in my book.

Then I scrolled through Google pictures and found this:

House centipedes can GET. THIS. BIG. And in some places in Asia people keep them as pets. A pet. Like the cuddly dog you curl up on the couch with at night to share your ice cream cone with. (Can you imagine the creepy crawling sensation when this monster walks across your neck? I’m gagging.) There is absolutely nothing okay with this. Nothing. It’s safe to say I will never be stepping on the Asian continent.

Just say no to Google. Some things are better left unknown.

192 Comments

  1. S. A. Young

    I feel you. The interwebz can be dangerous. I have just about had it with the pictures of snakes popping up out of nowhere on my FB feed or some shady story at the bottom of a Brain Candy quiz. And don’t get me started about the stories of ppl finding them in their toilets! My mother knows in her heart of hearts that’s the real reason I won’t move down to Florida.

    Reply
  2. Bwhahahaha!! Culture shock can mean a whole new inverted world for some. I remember, once I got one when I saw Americans freely on their ATVs Making a kill with their loads of shotguns of large deer and later cooking it over barbeque at night. It was just unimaginable for an Indian lad like me, hunting was a culture shock to me. Hehe

    Reply
  3. So. Much. Nope.

    Luckily my two cats keep the bug population down. But we also have this tiny lizard orgy party going on all around Florida all the time. And they rather enjoy catching them, torturing them, and then just leaving them there for me to find.

    My older cat did that with a mouse once. But she at the top half and left what looked like little mouse pants in the middle of the living room floor.

    Maybe she was sharing?

    Reply
    1. My brother came up from Florida a long time ago…in December. He had an ancient computer for me stuffed in the back of his truck.

      As I’m digging the stuff outta the box, I came across a little plastic lizard. I held it up, and asked my brother why there was a toy lizard in with the computer stuff.

      His reply? It wasn’t a toy. The poor thing got into the box and froze.

      EWWWW!

      Reply
      1. Oh no!

        Yeah… they get everywhere. I have a friend who moved from Oregon to Florida last year — when she first moved she was more concerned about a random alligator walking up the street going to chomp her leg off.

        Dude… you have mountain lions up there.

        But the main thing that freaked her out were all the little lizards.

        I had to explain that all they do is mate and eat bugs… and I’m all for them eating bugs because the mosquitoes around here will pick you up and tote you off.

        Reply
    2. Aw, how kind of her! Trying to share with you lol. We have lizards here too, but none have made it inside the house before thankfully. The ones here seem to like to stay outside and sit in the sun. I actually kinda like them! I’m sure my cats would love if one came inside though lol.

      Reply
  4. I googled my symptoms once and decided it was either the black plague or leprosy. My doc wasn’t amused. The good news is that nothing fell off of my body. We only get centipedes in the basement and not many. Then again I have 4 cats who think they are wind up toys.

    Reply
  5. I live in PA and we have tons of stinkbugs and house centipedes too! Tiny millipedes and giant ants feel free to visit in the summer! Seriously, summer was never my favorite season and this bug infestation is part of the reason why. I feel you, girl! Although I have never heard of anyone in Asia keeping these things as pets. Asia is a continent, I mean, which country does this? Perhaps it is contained to this one weird person in Cambodia or something. I wouldn’t let this speak for all Asians. Every time I go to China, my relatives keep industrial-sized cans of RAID and mosquito repellents handy so I doubt this is common.

    Reply
    1. Oh, I’m sure the majority of Asia wants nothing to do with keeping massive bugs as pets haha. I’m not sure what country it is, I was too afraid to look deeper into it. I didn’t want to fall further into the Google trap. I’m sure it’s an obscure group of people who do it though. I doubt it’s actually a “cultural norm” somewhere. Thankfully πŸ˜€ I remember getting a lot of stinkbugs when I lived up north. Never see them here! I’m happy for that lol

      Reply
  6. Now who in their right mind would want a centipede as a pet? It can’t snuggle like a cat or lick your face like a dog. It can’t bark to protect you against predators and it can’t serenade you with sweet tweets like a bird. So seriously? No Google, no 😐

    Reply
  7. I suppose there is nothing else you can do but burn your whole house down to the ground and start again. Darn buggers probably would survive the flames though and return with a vengeance though … hmm, try googling how to perform your own exorcism. That might work too.

    Reply
  8. Ah centipedes… When my son was little he caught one near my hangar at the airport. It was about 3 inches long. He had it in a plastic bag and was playing with it (these bite or sting, one or the other). I packed up the kids and then took them to Del Taco for lunch and to burn off some energy in the playground. Enroute my son started making a fuss because he had let the centipede out of the bag and it had escaped.

    Just great.

    I took the kids into Del Taco we had lunch and they played in the indoor playground. We were getting ready to leave and I was pondering how to find the escaped monster hiding somewhere in my truck when I felt a little tingle on my ankle. I looked down and saw the centipede crawling down my sock as it was exiting my pants leg.

    I calmly watched it crawl down my shoe on onto the floor. When it was off my shoe I jumped over the table! I garbbed the kids and I bolted from the store with both kids in tow. Last I saw the centipede it was crawling into the main dining room. But at least my truck was bug free.

    Reply
  9. Oh hell no. I would die. I just moved up here from Florida. I thought I’d get a reprieve from bugs. There seem to be more here than there, which doesn’t even make sense to me. I have so many spiders at my front door on any given day I fear I will try to leave the house one day but can’t because they’ve trapped us in a web.

    Reply
  10. lol, I feel your pain, used to live in an apartment that had these, fine if you know what they are, completely freaks you out if not. I mean most centipedes are hecka poisonous….
    In fact these don’t give me the creeps like regular centipedes you find under rocks, the ones with slightly shorter legs. IDK all those legs moving together makes me want to run screaming in terror, it looks so stomach turning.

    Meno<3

    Reply
    1. I agree. It’s something about all the legs that make it worse. I find these things more terrifying than spiders, which is strange. Spiders don’t freak me out at all compared to centipedes and cockroaches. I don’t know much about poisonous ones. Not sure if those ones are around here or not! Ick though. Big ick.

      Reply
  11. This post made me seriously LOL what the hell is that thing? I think your pretty brave not to have packed glue things up and moved house! Let’s hope they don’t get that big! And at least the cats are
    Entertained.. you never know they might end up eating a few!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    Reply
  12. Omg I had to cover those pictures as I was reading! *shudder* I’ve also had a crazy amount of bugs this summer, especially spiders– aka my worst nightmare. My husband sleeps during the day, so I either have to suck it up and kill it myself (rare), or watch it and make sure it stays on the same spot until he gets up. He loves waking up to me exclaiming about giant spiders.

    Reply
    1. Oh man, I don’t blame you. I have a hard time killing it unless I’m afraid it’s going to hide somewhere and the house and emerge at night to chew my eyelids off or something. I’ve trapped them under glasses before and waited for my husband to kill them haha. It works!

      Reply
  13. We live in NC also and keep having those things get in the house too. I was ok with them since they do kill other bugs, until I had the thought of one crawling on my face at night. I have a bug catching jar and was releasing them back outside, but after #4 I started killing them to make sure it wasn’t the same one coming back. It appears one of them had babies somewhere in my house, since now I’m finding tiny ones. *shudders* I keep hoping our cats will start killing them.

    Reply
  14. Kim

    Hey…..if it’s on the internet, it MUST be true!!! Just be sure your will and wishes are documented somewhere and you leave a big enough bowl of water out for any surprise visitors….you’ll be just fine! Have a great day…..or not…..check with Google to be sure!!! πŸ™‚

    Reply
  15. Boy. I’m with ya. Ignorance is sometimes bliss! Hard to resist the temptation though! I picked up the bug bites from hell on my boyfriend’s pasture a couple wks ago. Upon googling, I’ve decided it’s chiggers and the itchy red bumps take FOREVER to go away. Thought I had chicken pox for a minute there! God forbid I ever run into bedbugs….

    Reply
  16. AAAACK! That’s some ugly critter!! I saw one at work one time, a lot smaller though, but it was *still* scary and disgusting! All those legs! Like something out of a sci-fi/horror movie!

    Reply
  17. Those kind of bugs scare the crap out of me! It’s the way they scurry – and fast! I also hate spiders. Other types of bugs are okay – lady bugs, for example. Now that’s a type of bug I won’t running away screaming from. Don’t look up Giant Camel Spider! I did after a friends of mine told me she had one that lived in the corner just outside her front door while she was doing work overseas (I want to say Australia?) The landlord told her just to ignore it – they help catch other pests like mice. And they are harmless to humans.

    Harmless? Really? Sure about that? Those fang-like things that can only be described as their mouth doesn’t look like it would be harmless if it sunk it’s fangs into you!

    Anyway – she said she learned to just quickly enter/exit her front door with quick glances to make sure it was still there. She was more nervous on days when it wasn’t there – because then there’s a chance it could have been INSIDE! She made a good point.

    I agree – Self-diagnosis through Google is not a good idea. Especially for a semi-hypochondriac/psycho-somatic type like me!

    And I’m sure it does drive doctors crazy. We have a family doctor friend (who happens to be my doctor). I feel so sorry for him when he hangs out with my Uncle and parents who are constantly on Google looking for health tips and side effects/research on the meds they are on. Hate to break it to them – all meds have side effects. They always have, they always will! My uncle even called our doctor naive! I think that was pretty insulting. Last I checked, my doctor can actually assist in a surgery – not some one who knows how to type whatever ailment or symptoms into the Google search field.

    Reply
  18. PS – She worked in the Middle East where Camel Spiders are commonly found. But Camel Spiders also are found along the southwestern parts of the country. Also, don’t look up Wolf Spiders! Especially “Wolf Spiders carrying babies!”

    Reply
  19. We have, year after year, a harmless ant invasion. They always take the very same route – at the beginning it bothered me, I even tried for a bit to get rid of them (yes, I feel deep shame about that now) but the only thing that happened was this: ALL their family and friends, kids & cousins came to the funeral of the one I killed carelessly….. πŸ˜‰ Not so good!
    I did draw the line in a house we rented many many years ago when my kid was still a small snapper and my dachsie thought she was the bee’s knees (she was btw) – in that tiny kitchen, with a door to the garden, we had the ant invasion going across the floor, the cabinets & sink, all in a very orderly fashion, and disappearing through the tiniest openings in the garden. We never knew where they came from and how they got there but there they were, year after year. We placed little round tins and must have killed thousands but it didn’t matter – next year they did their crossing of the desert again…. I’m sure they still do but since our departure for the return of the owner’s son we also don’t care that much any longer and just hope that he is truly annoyed by this phenomena!
    I definitely do NOT like centipedes…. I don’t mind little bugs, spiders, worms, and I transfer them lovingly to the abundant nature around our home, I even caught a tremendous grasshopper on the first floor of our house (!!!) which was a bit of a challenge, even more so as Hero Husband was in utter panic after every jump of the ‘beast’ (oh, he is on my pyjama….) but I caught him under a large glass bowl and had a cardboard slid under him so that I could call the removal company to put him outside…. and I would/could NEVER live in Florida or any of your warm and humid countries because mosquitos really, really do me in. I saw people living under huge nets because of them and the poor humans looked like caught in their own nets!

    Reply
    1. Yeah, there are tons of mosquitoes here! It’s okay in the middle of the day, but I can’t go out in the late afternoon on because I will get completely mauled by them. They love me for some reason. It’s terrible! Ants actually don’t bother me either. I don’t want them swarming my food pantry, but otherwise it’s whatever. Spiders don’t normally bother me either! They catch the devil mosquitoes πŸ˜€

      Reply
  20. i love this entry, it really made me laugh. ‘you’re two skips and a jump away from keeling over and landing face first into your morning bowl of cheerios’ this killed me because i literally self-diagnosed something like this THIS MORNING. great work. πŸ™‚

    Reply
  21. My cat once brought an elephant hawk moth caterpillar into my house (I know this thanks to Google 😁). It was huge and creepy – I wasn’t impressed!

    On the plus side with the centipedes maybe your could feed them and open up a specialist alternative pet shop?

    Reply

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: