I wish depression was tangible so I could go all Lizzie Borden on its ass and swing an ax in its face 40 times. That’d be fair, right? Something has to be done because it’s not like it’s doing me any favors or anything. I’ve been hiding lately because, well… my brain has been in timeout. I should be back functioning and writing more often soon. There really needs to be a pause button on racing thoughts/doubt/paranoia/crazyshit so they aren’t constantly flooding our heads. All I need is a break. Is that too much to ask?
Alex and I are desperately counting down the days until we are able to leave for vacation. This weekend we are going to the mountains to hike/find waterfalls and stay in a resort in western North Carolina. At the end of June, we will meet up with my family and stay in the Outer Banks at a beach house for a week. We are so close, yet so far. In the meantime, I found this hilarious list on Reddit about real reviews of vacations people went on. Sometimes the stupidity of people is the best way to brighten your day. They are a good reminder that, hey… at least you don’t live life with your thumb in your ass and no common sense.
Here we go…
“They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax.” (Are you married to a toddler? Surprisingly, people have the ability to control what they look at! Crazy, isn’t it?)
“The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”
“No one told us there’d be fish in the water. The children were scared.” (Stop raising pussies. They don’t contribute much to society.)
(Don’t get your panties in a twist. I’m just kidding.)
“Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers.” (It’s called a knife in most countries, dipshit.)
“I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard cremes or ginger nuts.” (What the hell are these things? I’ve never heard of them!)
“It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair.”
“When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners.”
“It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.” (Did you want the operator to change your Depends for you too?)
“I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure didn’t mention mosquitoes.”
We are surrounded by geniuses, folks. Be scared.
Do you have any plans for relaxing this summer? Vacations? Staycations? Laying around on the couch like a vegetable while you stuff yourself full of ice cream and margaritas?