your stupidity makes me feel better

I wish depression was tangible so I could go all Lizzie Borden on its ass and swing an ax in its face 40 times. That’d be fair, right? Something has to be done because it’s not like it’s doing me any favors or anything. I’ve been hiding lately because, well… my brain has been in timeout. I should be back functioning and writing more often soon. There really needs to be a pause button on racing thoughts/doubt/paranoia/crazyshit so they aren’t constantly flooding our heads. All I need is a break. Is that too much to ask?

bringiton

Alex and I are desperately counting down the days until we are able to leave for vacation. This weekend we are going to the mountains to hike/find waterfalls and stay in a resort in western North Carolina. At the end of June, we will meet up with my family and stay in the Outer Banks at a beach house for a week. We are so close, yet so far. In the meantime, I found this hilarious list on Reddit about real reviews of vacations people went on. Sometimes the stupidity of people is the best way to brighten your day. They are a good reminder that, hey… at least you don’t live life with your thumb in your ass and no common sense.

Here we go…

“They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax.”  (Are you married to a toddler?  Surprisingly, people have the ability to control what they look at! Crazy, isn’t it?)

“The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”  

“No one told us there’d be fish in the water. The children were scared.” (Stop raising pussies. They don’t contribute much to society.)

(Don’t get your panties in a twist. I’m just kidding.)

buzzlife
“Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers.” (It’s called a knife in most countries, dipshit.)

“I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard cremes or ginger nuts.” (What the hell are these things? I’ve never heard of them!)

“It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair.”

“When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners.”

“It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”  (Did you want the operator to change your Depends for you too?)

“I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure didn’t mention mosquitoes.”

We are surrounded by geniuses, folks. Be scared.

Do you have any plans for relaxing this summer? Vacations? Staycations? Laying around on the couch like a vegetable while you stuff yourself full of ice cream and margaritas?

193 Comments

  1. These are travelers that we politely call brain dead. Anyway unfortunately due to financial pressures it will be another summer spent at home but by now I am used to watching the grass grow. Enjoy your vacation.

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  2. 😲 And people post these on the internet to remove all doubt they’re, let’s say, um, oh hell, let’s just call them mental. It boggles the mind! Sadly, these are also the people that give tourists a bad rep.

    Note to self: they speak Spanish in Spain … and eat Spanish food 😳

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  3. These are too outrageous. The Americans get home faster! Too many Spanish people in Spain! God save us haha.

    My summer is going to be quite busy. I have New York with my children in June, Haiti in July and Paris in September. I’ll probably be broke and homeless by the time its all over, but such is life. I’ll sell an organ on the black market. I’ve dubbed 2017 my year of adventure and I’m doing damned near everything in my power to make it happen. I’ll keep you all updated of course 🙂

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  4. On a different note, I do hope that you have a great time on your vacation; I see that you really need it. One day, scientists will be able to materialize depression and everyone can pick up bats and rocks and beat its ass. Just you hang in there. I love everything you post.

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    1. The language bit made me smile. When my son was very small, we visited South African friends with a small daughter, born and grown in Switzerland. We all spoke English, except with my kid. With him we spoke Swiss German…. All of a sudden he pulled my sleeve and said: Mami, isn’t it great how well xyz speaks English?
      But honestly, it IS unfair that the Americans only had to travel 3 hrs, ha ha ha

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  5. We are driving to southern Illinois in August to see the solar eclipse. Should be interesting… I wonder how many kids will start screaming and crying when it suddenly goes dark? I saw the Aurora Borealis in Norway when I was 15 and I will admit, it kinda scared me.

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  6. Comments like that remind me of why the US is so screwed up – from elections on to daily life. I’ve had this theory for a long time that about 10% of the population makes everything operate for the other 90%. I’m starting to think that 10% was being optimistic. Thanks for the reassurance.

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  7. Oh dear sweet holy baby Jesus, the human race is fucking doomed. There truly is no hope for us, is there?

    Also? Sending (((hugs))) because depression is an asshole; and so is the racing, crazy, anxious mind. I’ve just been out on meds for it myself, and it’s starting to help some. So I kind of understand where you’re coming from, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with that.

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  8. 🙂 🙂 🙂
    Well, they certainly needed their hols too!!!!! I mean, hey, no custard biscuits or Spaniards in Spain…. That is stressful – LOL

    Wishing you wonderful hols and NO STRESS at all – luckily you are a person with a gr8 sense of humour – if that isn’t enough, try to decipher the menu cards in another country and a foreign language…. oh now, won’t work for you, you mostly speak English!!!! Sorry; I shall try to think of something else to keep you relaxed – give me time!

    Hugs, Kiki

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  9. Blair, in case you haven’t got it already, here is another HUGE BIG FAT HUG for you – may you get better soonest and stay then happy, relaxed and ‘just fine’…… Sending an extra kiss too!!!! Have you caught it ?

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  10. Thank you for the quotes from reddit. Those were fantastic. 🙂 I hope you get your R&R soon. Our vacation isn’t until August. We’re going to the 50th anniversary of GenCon in Indianapolis.

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  11. Oh My! Is this for real, people actually said that …? Nevermind .. it does make hilarious read ..Thank you for collecting.
    Enjoy your vacation , have fun hiking and finding the waterfall, ginger nuts and custard cremes. And be caution that the beach isn’t too sandy 😀

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  12. I’ve actually met people like this while on holiday in the UK. Upset because their 2 bedroom chalet isn’t as big as their neighbour’s 3 bedroom. smh.

    There is a rule in Dutch Universities, that dictates foreign students get half an hour extra to complete their exams because their Dutch language skills are not as good as the natives. You’d think that was fair, until you discover the exams this rule pertains to are non-Dutch language exams. 😀

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  13. Leaving soon for a Research Study in Maryland on my disease. A bit of fun will be had, too. I’m sure.
    Also, need to take a trip to SO. CAL to see my old cat before my Ex Husband moves away.

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  14. Nyx

    It’s coming into winter in Oz, so no summer vacation here. But I am moving interstate in a few months, so kind of a vacation with a permanent (and so much better than current place) destination?

    I go Lizzie Borden on my depression with art therapy. I come up with some fucked up stuff sometimes, so it’s definitely not show-and-tell stuff, but it does help when I get past the internal blocks and smack some paint on a canvas (or whatever other materials).

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    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      That’s great! Moving to a better place… sounds so much…well… BETTER 😀 I hope your move goes well. Art therapy! Maybe I should get into that 😀 It would help if I had even the slightest bit of artistic talent.

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  15. That was a real pick-me-up, Blair. I was having a real boring day, but the stupidity of those comments really lifted my spirits and self-esteem. I feel like my IQ just shot up 20 points.

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    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      I think they are real reviews, but I think the people who made them must have been messing around. Or heavily on drugs! Or something! They can’t possibly be real, right? lol

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    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Right? It’s a little disturbing people are actually like this! Who wants to go to a non sandy beach? That would suck lol

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  16. Vacations or as us Brits say, holidays are what you make them and many of those who are not happy on holidays will most likely not be happy anywhere and their moaning and groaning just makes it a burden on others who are enjoying their vacations.

    I do wonder, at times, if they are as stupid as they appear to be,or do they take great pleasure in annoying others, but their comments do take the biscuit be they custard creams or ginger nuts. Custard creams are like a biscuit sandwich, where the biscuits take the place of bread and the filling is the custard cream, you either like them or not. Ginger nuts are fairly hard or crispy biscuits with a taste of ginger.

    As you say many of these comments do appear to be from people on holidays from the UK, but is that their fault for we have been brought up to believe we populated most of the world and brought the English language to these parts of the world so that all could be sure of what we were telling them to do. In many countries a form of English is still spoken, but adjusted over the years as is the case in the US.

    You have to forgive these English for they know no better, perhaps it is a fault of our ancestors or our current educators. But as you say their comments are funny, even if they are showing their stupidity, but it is good to have a laugh even if it is at the expense of the English. I am sure that the Scottish, Welsh and the Northern Irish would not make these comments.for they would be far to intelligent.

    They do say ‘laughter makes the World go around’ so that must be a good thing to do, so I welcome more of these holiday comments for you cannot have enough laughter, especially in these current times when so much bad is occurring.

    While I do wish for more laughter, my most important and biggest wish is for PEACE for everyone in the World.

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  17. hello blair its dennis the vizsla dog hay my plans for relaksing this summer ar the saym as for evry summer i plan to lie on the orbit lowndjer owt in bak until it is not sunny ennymor and then i wil go lie down inside!!! it is a life of bliss!!! ok bye

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    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Hahaha people are idiots. One star reviews of parks? I mean… you’re just there to see nature. What do people want?!

      Reply

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