i’m fine. really.

When I was growing up I was sure I’d never marry. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, but because I was slightly overweight, thought the Disney channel shows meant for 12-year-olds were cool even in my late teens, and Kimmy Gibbler was, in my eyes, the best fashion icon of the next decade. Why weren’t boys into all of that? I’ll never know.  I labeled myself as undesirable. Which was a pretty shitty feeling to have when all the other kids in high school were groping each other at their lockers and talking about bumping uglies during their lunch period. I’m not gonna lie –  it’s hard to go through your awkward years feeling like nobody will ever want you like the rest of your peers. I had resigned to the fact that I didn’t deserve love, and I was actually at a point where I was okay with that. I’d be fine alone. I’d hoped. When Alex and I started dating I thought God was fucking with me. I was pretty sure he was just trying to pull off the cruelest prank imaginable to pay me back for all the times I cursed his name or wanted to punch a stranger in the face for no reason.

Have you ever heard that corny line, ‘find someone who makes you want to be a better person/version of yourself?‘ I always thought that line was such bullshit until it happened to me. Alex does this for me. I don’t think the man has ever had a negative/judgmental thought about anyone on the planet. Even when it’s just the two of us together. I never thought I deserved a man who would be thoughtful enough to jump up and do the dishes every night after I cook so I don’t have to. Or scoop the litter boxes for cats that I had to have, even though he’s a dog lover. A man that loves me when I’m losing weight, gaining weight, crying because my hormones are making me even crazier than I truly am, or when I’m dancing and serenading the cats in the most embarrassing way possible. A man that supports me and truly believes I can accomplish my goal of being a successful writer someday. Or someone who would, without repayment or acknowledgment, help a stranger on the street regardless of who or where they were and what he had to do in order to help. (Listing these is making me cry, so I’m going to stop here!)

I don’t know what I did to deserve Alex, but I honestly wake up every morning feeling like the luckiest woman alive. Everyone deserves an Alex. I hope you all find one, because everyone deserves a love like his.

Today is his birthday, which spawned this overly sappy/corny post that I don’t usually do. Happy Birthday, Alex! Thanks for making a socially awkward, undesirable nerd feel so loved.

 

208 Comments

  1. As someone who was also convinced that I would end alone on some remote mountaintop, and has since found the person who willingly quotes Disney movies, doesn’t judge me for only being able to make cereal, and loves me at my most irrational, I loved this post! Here’s to the hope that we all find our Alex!

    Reply
  2. I relate to this to a ridiculous degree. I have an Alex. Literally. My husband’s name is Alex.

    (Although he’s not exactly like your Alex. Although my Alex once thought he was a dog person, he now understands that all animals are awesome, including cats, and especially our cat.)

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Alexes are great, eh? Well, my husband is a dog lover, but he really loves any animals, too. It’s just his type of personality. He CLAIMS he’s a dog person, but I see him cuddling and loving our cats every day. Muhaha

      Reply
  3. I know that feeling of being undesirable all too well. I never had a boyfriend in high school and one time I asked a boy to go to a dance with me I was flat out rejected. I went to prom with a friend. It’s not the best way to spend your formative years, I tell ya.

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    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      It’s pretty traumatizing, right? What makes it a million times worse is that everyone has to gossip about it in high school too. Ick. In high school I went to a school dance with my friends, and another guy lost a bet and had to ask me to dance. … I said no, but only found out about the bet after. I was the terrible thing you had to dance with when you were a loser. Pretty sucky lol

      Reply
  4. I’ve been married 19 years this summer, and I’m still surprised that someone could put up with me to the extent that they’d want to be with me. Must be doing something right.

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  5. Awww happy birthday to Alex!

    Your post gives me hope. I sometimes feel like the you in high school – that I shall forever be alone and I could be ok with that. But i still feel deep down that I’d like to not be ya know? So thanks for the positive thoughts boost!

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      I’m glad! It’s hard to come to terms with the idea you *may* end up alone. But… I feel like when you stop looking or worrying about it the right person will come alone. Easier said than done, obviously. lol. I hope your person strolls in when you least expect it 🙂

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  6. I had an Alex and felt I’d never survive when I lost him. But, we had 20 glorious years together, and I still celebrate his birthday — it’s also the anniversary of the day he proposed to me when I was 40 and had decided I’d never find the kind of love you so eloquently described. All the best.

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    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      I’m sorry to hear your Alex passed, but I’m happy you had your amazing 20 years together! Thank you for the kind words <3

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  7. Well Happy Birthday to the great guy! I too have a guy who will put up with whatever silly, klutzy me come up with and loves me just the same. I do get some rather odd or strange looks from the cat. I don’t think Sid thinks mom is playing with a full deck.

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    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Thank you 😀 My cats definitely think I’m crazy, too! Haha. I find them staring at me awkwardly when I’m singing. I think they secretly love it, though 😉

      Reply
  8. That was lovely and very sweet. I’m not interested in romantic relationships myself, but I think my sister (she’s also my roommate) is my platonic Alex. That person who loves you unconditionally and makes you want to be a better person.

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    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      That’s awesome. Sisters are great. If I wasn’t married, my sister would 100% be the person I was closest too. There’s no competing with that type of bond 🙂

      Reply
  9. Happy birthday Alex!!! That is definitely a crappy way to feel going through adolescence and young adulthood. I can absolutely relate. All though high school, I was the goody-two-shoes nerd — which is fine, I guess, but it meant having ZERO dating prospects, which did a number on my self esteem. I’m glad y’all found each other, and I hope Alex had a great birthday!!

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Thank you 😀 It’s rough going through high school when you’re not one of the cool kids. I was pretty nerdy-smart, too, but more-so just a weirdo lol. Neither of those bring the boys to the yard 🙂

      Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Oh, that’s a good idea. If only I had millions of dollars to make it happen! I feel like it would be a top seller for sure lol

      Reply
  10. We need to clone this guy…the world would be so much better…Birthday wishes to Alex and congrats to you for appreciating a good partner (something a lot of women/men don’t do.)

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Right? It was really painful back then. I really hope my future children don’t have to endure the little shitheads when they come along.

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  11. Great post. 🙂 I’m reading all the comments and thinking to myself that the place from where I come from dating was considered taboo when I was growing up. My sister studied in a college where just talking to guys would result in punishment! Even now, in my state, arranged marriage is considered the norm. When I read posts like these, it really shows me how different cultures are across the world.

    I’m imagining you, Alex and all the cats together on the sofa with a big cake! Belated wishes to your husband! 🙂

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    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Ohh, I’m so curious where you are from, but I can’t find it anywhere on your blog 🙂 I’m pretty blind, so… sorry if I missed it lol. What you imagined in your head was pretty much spot on. Usually we are cuddled up with a pile of cats 🙂 I can’t imagine being punished for even speaking to a guy. Very different from here in good ol’ North Carolina, USA lol

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  12. Please wish Alex a Happy Belated Birthday for me. He sounds so much like Mr. Comfortable! The part of jumping up to do dishes really struck home since that’s what happens here. And Mr. C gets up at the crack of dawn to let the dogs out if I’m in bed. Even if he knows I’m awake. We’re lucky ladies!

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  13. Lovely sentiment. I have my wife Susan, who tolerates my idiosyncrasies and we have now celebrated 37 special years. I think the best is when each partner sees themselves as the lucky one in the relationship. thank you for sharing.

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      1. You already have. If you ever want to know what you believe, look around you. People’s realities reflect their concept of the world. The moment you change your mind about something, your experience begins to change, too.

        Think about your five closest friends. Now, add up their incomes and divide by five. That’s your income. But don’t just ditch them and start hanging around people in BMWs. Find a way to FEEL rich and the BMWs will start popping up all on their own.

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          1. It works in reverse, too, unfortunately. Focus on bad crap and the crap piles build up around you. It’s as if the universe is saying, “Stop crying or I’ll GIVE you something to cry about!” Which is plenty of reason not to hang around your pity-party-lovin’ friends anymore.

            Try this on Mr. Wonderful: Secretly imagine him doing something minor but delightful for you, something he’s never done before, like opening your car door for you and then walking around to open his on the other side like men used to do (just an example). Develop it into a full-fledged fantasy with lots of sensory input and emotions but make sure he knows nothing about it in reality. Give it a week or two, see what happens.

  14. Bravo, Alex!! I’m so happy you and he found each other, because I know firsthand how wonderful it is – not with Alex, but with my Bruce. As I write this he is cleaning the kitchen and making us banana-pancakes for breakfast. Only one of the special things he does for me.

    Congratulations!

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Oh man, Bruce sounds amazing. Banana pancakes… mmm. Now, if only Alex cooked 😀 Glad we both found such awesome people to spend our lives with. It makes all the difference!

      Reply

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