When I was growing up I was sure I’d never marry. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, but because I was slightly overweight, thought the Disney channel shows meant for 12-year-olds were cool even in my late teens, and Kimmy Gibbler was, in my eyes, the best fashion icon of the next decade. Why weren’t boys into all of that? I’ll never know. I labeled myself as undesirable. Which was a pretty shitty feeling to have when all the other kids in high school were groping each other at their lockers and talking about bumping uglies during their lunch period. I’m not gonna lie – it’s hard to go through your awkward years feeling like nobody will ever want you like the rest of your peers. I had resigned to the fact that I didn’t deserve love, and I was actually at a point where I was okay with that. I’d be fine alone. I’d hoped. When Alex and I started dating I thought God was fucking with me. I was pretty sure he was just trying to pull off the cruelest prank imaginable to pay me back for all the times I cursed his name or wanted to punch a stranger in the face for no reason.
Have you ever heard that corny line, ‘find someone who makes you want to be a better person/version of yourself?‘ I always thought that line was such bullshit until it happened to me. Alex does this for me. I don’t think the man has ever had a negative/judgmental thought about anyone on the planet. Even when it’s just the two of us together. I never thought I deserved a man who would be thoughtful enough to jump up and do the dishes every night after I cook so I don’t have to. Or scoop the litter boxes for cats that I had to have, even though he’s a dog lover. A man that loves me when I’m losing weight, gaining weight, crying because my hormones are making me even crazier than I truly am, or when I’m dancing and serenading the cats in the most embarrassing way possible. A man that supports me and truly believes I can accomplish my goal of being a successful writer someday. Or someone who would, without repayment or acknowledgment, help a stranger on the street regardless of who or where they were and what he had to do in order to help. (Listing these is making me cry, so I’m going to stop here!)
I don’t know what I did to deserve Alex, but I honestly wake up every morning feeling like the luckiest woman alive. Everyone deserves an Alex. I hope you all find one, because everyone deserves a love like his.
Today is his birthday, which spawned this overly sappy/corny post that I don’t usually do. Happy Birthday, Alex! Thanks for making a socially awkward, undesirable nerd feel so loved.