cause of death: chicken apocalypse

Random-As-Shit Thursday Thoughts

1. Some people listen to music when they are trying to relax. Others go to the bar and down a shameful amount of appletinis while having their self-esteem boosted by a drunk asshole that thinks complimenting a stranger’s ass is the best pathway to a lifelong love. Or a night full of burning STDs. Who knows. I watch cats. Not my own cats, they’re too boring. I’ve been obsessed with a live stream on YouTube called ‘Kitten Academy.’ It’s run by a couple in Illinois who foster pregnant cats and their kittens until they are old enough to be adopted through a rescue they work with. They have a 24/7 live stream in a few rooms of their home dedicated to different mom+kitten families. If you like cats, you need to check it out. I’ve become so addicted I check in on the kittens all day – when I’m pooping, at my computer writing, and sometimes when I feel it’s necessary to pretend I’m listening to my husband when he’s talking about sports. It’s one of the most adorable things I’ve ever seen. If you need something to make you smile and calm you down, check it out. It’s much better than getting drunk and losing your self respect on a Friday night.

(Here’s a photo I stole from their Twitter yesterday. Look at those sweet faces.)

2. Last week I got my annual haircut. Yes, I only go once a year. I’m not afraid to admit I let my hair get a little Tarzan-esque once in awhile. Getting a hair cut is probably one of the worst things you have to do when you have social anxiety. You’re stuck in a chair, being nailed with personal questions that are impossible to escape, while a person dances around you with scissors chopping away while they barely pay attention. Even the thought of it makes me nauseous. This year I happen to get a woman who was the most obnoxiously outgoing person I’ve ever met. At one point she brought up bestiality and how horrible it would be to get stretched out by a cow. She is also 100%  convinced that giant zombie chickens are going to be what wipes humanity from Earth. Seriously. Genetically modified zombie chickens. She thinks they’ll be so strong they’ll be able to muscle us to the ground and peck us to death. I wish I was making this stuff up, but it all came out of her mouth. And I thought I was the one with word vomit. I’m never getting a haircut again.

(Hellllo Khal Drogo. He kind of looks like Tarzan here… right?)

3. Anyone have any masterful April Fool’s Day pranks they are going to play on someone? I’m running out of time and haven’t come up with a good one yet. I really want to find one that will scare my husband so bad he will pee himself. That would bring me great joy. (Unless he makes me clean it up or something.)

159 Comments

  1. I’m due for a haircut as well – I always know it’s time when my head starts looking like a bell end – and like you I dread the social aspect. That’s some conversational skill your hairdresser has – makes a change from the usual ‘where-are-you-going-for-your-holidays’ type chat. 😀

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      I miss the holiday chat! 😀 So simple and routine to answer. Whew. Good luck on your next cut. Hopefully you don’t get a crazy person.

      Reply
  2. OMG haircuts totally give me anxiety! I’ve been going to the same lady for years specifically because it’s a barber shop and not a salon so there’s no bullshit. we talk about video games and comic books.

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Oh, now those are topics I can handle! Maybe I need to start going to a barber shop. That sounds like a much more pleasant experience lol

      Reply
  3. I do my hair every 7 weeks….but I’ve been with my hair person for years and I love her. But I’ve had a half bottle of wine tonight and I pretty much love everyone right now including april the giraffe LOVE LOVE LOVE EVERYTHING

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Hahaha, I hear ya. Did April give birth yet? I don’t want to watch the process, just see the cuteness afterwards. Ick.

      Reply
          1. 15 months of gestation and a quarter of a million people staring at your crotch. NOT TO MENTION you’re having a 150-lb baby. I’d be tempted to keep my legs shut tight too.

  4. I used to like going to the barbershop more before you had to make an appointment. I actually find watching the barber cut other people’s hair relaxing. (It’s kind of like those kittens you are watching.) Now with appointments, you just show up at the appointed time, sit in the chair, stare ahead at the mirror, pay and go home.
    I have been thinking about your post from a while back about starting to write your book. I don’t do well at long projects, so I focus on the comic strip, poetry, the monthly satire thing and flash fiction. However, it seems to me that the mystery book writers are onto something. They figure out the ending and work backwards. That way they don’t get so lost along the way. It’s kind of like coming up with a punch line and then building a joke to fit it.
    I have a feeling that could work in a bunch of genres.

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Oh, the long projects thing is hard for me, too. I’m still convinced blogging is a better option for me, but I’m going to try my hardest to finish it either way. Might take me much longer than I’d hoped, though lol. I definitely know the ending, so working in reverse is spot on.

      Reply
  5. Why are there so many outgoing hairdressers? Surely there must be at least one introverted hairdresser who just wants to cut hair and not chat.

    But, honestly, zombie chicken conversations sounds like an excellent next-best scenario to me.

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Right? I’d pay extra to go to a salon that had a no talking policy. All we’d have to do is talk about the haircut and that’s it. Sounds like heaven to me lol.

      Reply
  6. I’m not wild about chatty stylists either. Beauty school training should include adaptive communication styles. If my face says this is my quiet time, then don’t ask me what my plans are today, if I live around here and if I have children. Are they undercover CIA agents?

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Maybe they are. I used to wonder if hair salons were bugged for the same reason. It’s the only place that’s known to unload a series of personal questions on strangers. It’s STRANGE.

      Reply
  7. I love Kitten Academy too, lol. I’m actually subscribed to their channel on YouTube and I watch the live stream all the time. And I don’t know where to start with how much I hate talking to people at the hair salon. I haven’t cut my hair in so long I can’t even remember the last time I did. I’ve been thinking about dying my hair, but that would definitely be something to do at home, lol.

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Box dye is definitely the way to go. Whew. Kitten Academy is amazing. I get so attached to all the cats it’s crazy. I have a serious love with the fish right now. (I’m just going to assume you know what that means. haha)

      Reply

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