but jesus loves bacon

Random-As-Shit Thursday Thoughts

1. I’ve come to the conclusion the last few days that I’m a terrible person. Not that I’m on the level of pushing bratty little kids down the stairs or rubbing my naked ass all over the neighbor’s cars after a recent trip to the bathroom, but I’m up there. I’ve propelled into the early stages of ‘grumpy old woman’ syndrome even though I’m barely 30. I had a conversation with Alex yesterday about how disappointed he was that he was unable to help his brother move this weekend due to wrist tendinitis. I mean, I figured he must’ve been promised an endless supply of pizza and beer or something… but he wasn’t. He was just looking forward to the act of helping someone who needed it. What? Is this normal? How do I get to be like this? The thought of helping somebody move their crap is on par with walking blindfolded into the middle of oncoming traffic for me. Why am I such a negative Nancy? Do normal people actually just enjoy doing whatever they have to in order to help someone without ever expecting them to return the favor, or is my husband just a saint?  I need some Jesus or something.

2. I’ve been hiding this past week because I’ve ventured into uncharted territory and, man… these rocky waves are making me seasick as hell. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to hack it. I started writing a book a few days ago. Now, this is something I’ve been putting off for a long time even though there’s been characters and scenes stuck in my head for almost a year. I was waiting for the right time and I think I’m finally ready for their story to be told. The only problem is that I already hate what I’ve written and want to restart. How do I get past the self criticism? Am I ever going to like the shit that I write? How do authors do it? I’m my own worst enemy.

(Is it sad I saw this sticky note on the box an instantly thought, ‘BUT BACON! What about bacon?’ Sorry about the shitty quality.)

3. People are making life insufferable lately. I can’t walk around Barnes and Noble without hearing people talk about anti-Islamic hate groups or go into my grocery store without being chastised about eating meat. A few days ago I spent a solid 30 minutes going through my Twitter feed, turning off some people’s re-tweets because all it is (literally 20 times in a row) is people complaining about Trump. (I love you guys, but you are killing me.) My ENTIRE feed was related to politics – the thing I try my hardest to avoid in life. We get it. Trump is a psychotic, orange, hateful mother fucker who may very well cause a new war. I like to live in a bubble though, when you have extreme anxiety it does wonders. (I know this is going to offend some people I follow on Twitter. It’s not personal – I love your blogs and want to see your tweets. I just turned off re-tweets. Yes, you are allowed to be pissed and angry over Trump. This is just self-preservation.)

140 Comments

  1. Nyx

    When I turned thirty (like six months ago), it’s like I skipped that time again and automatically hit 60. I have this grumpy grandma thing down while maintaining the svelte body of a fat thirty-year-old.

    I get past the ‘I’m writing shit’ thing in two ways:

    1. Remember all first drafts are shit. Draft one is for telling yourself the story. Drafts two and beyond are for worrying about the comprehension of others.
    2. (And this might be a pickle for many.) I get sadistic pleasure out of ripping my work to bits in the editing process. Absolutely love it. But I can’t get to that pleasure if I don’t go through the pain of writing something for me to edit.

    Reply
  2. I’m not an author therefore my knowledge base is squat but I think most writers have to enjoy editing and rewriting their story drafts, like polishing a diamond. Second I think you have a fun writing style when you just let fly, so write up a storm and believe that. Leave the polishing to do one day a week, and those other days do the star trekky thing, boldly go!

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Thanks for the advice 🙂 I’m definitely just trying to let it flow for now. I mean, it’s being written in first person and basically the girl has the same sense of humor as me, so it should be easy… right? I hope. Haha

      Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Yeah, I need to avoid it, too. I only READ the news so I can pick and choose what to avoid. Otherwise it’s an over whelming amount of bullshit.

      Reply
  3. I’m with you on point #1. I don’t get excited about helping others either. In fact, I only do so begrudgingly or possibly because this individual gave up a day of their life to help me with a project. The result is I feel guilty and selfish about my attitude toward helping others.

    My wife is a saint when it comes to this, which only makes me feel worse. Sometimes it takes three or four beers to help me get over it.

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Oh, I hear ya. Alcohol definitely helps the motivation for me, too. Your wife and my husband sound the exact same when it comes to saintliness. Makes us puny humans feel like poop, eh? Haha

      Reply
  4. I agree with “the shitty first draft” method of writing. Annie LaMott gave it that name. It’s the way I wrote my first 3 books (all published by major house) and it’s what I taught my students. Right now you’re sketching your book– don’t judge. Get the bones down. Then you rewrite over and over, with the help of trusted readers.

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      I must be on the right page, because my first draft sure is shitty 😀 Thanks for the advice, hopefully one day I’ll have 3 published books! What an awesome accomplishment.

      Reply
      1. Hey, if you keep writing you will. But really, aside from the moment of feeling validated, publishing didn’t change my life much. I still have a day job, and I found that the feeling of validation lasted all of 3 seconds. I think the writing is more because I was always one of those kids living in a fantasy world–it’s just an adult way of playing imaginary games. So just keep at it for the fun of it, or because you’re driven to do it, and don’t worry about perfection. Do the work and let go of the outcome. Then when it’s all done, play editor or find a trusted reader. Good luck!

        Reply
  5. Hell, I’ll amend the “shitty first draft” theory with my own Draft 0.5 Theory: just word vomit onto the page. Get some really horrible crap down, you can sculpt it later into something presentable. Nobody will ever see, and you’ll later get to feel superproud of how much better your “first draft” is than the used kleenex for which you originally clicked Save.

    Reply
  6. Books, Bacon, and Tweets, oh my. I find a solitary focus on one thing helps me get through my day. Caffeine. Focus on caffeine and anything is possible. Even novel writing. (Or less-than-novel novel writing. Yes, it all sucks at the beginning. That’s how you know you are a writer. You hate your own stuff. And then, you write it until you don’t. At least, that’s how it works in theories.)

    Advise from the Queen of Parentheticals.

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      I wish I could focus on caffeine! That sounds nice lol. I don’t drink caffeine, though, so I’ll have to come up with something equally lovely. (There’s nothing 🙁 )

      Reply
  7. You’ve taught me that apparently it’s possible to turn off retweets. Thank you!! I hate that my feed is like 90% RTs. I want original content, you guys!

    As for the book-starting: yay!!!! The writer in my figuratively leapt for joy reading this!! I’ve been working on a book for a while now. I finished an entire novella a few years ago, and it was complete crap. The negative voices you describe aren’t going away very easily for me, but one thing that is helping is knowing that the old adage is true: “you have to write out all the shit before the good stuff will come out.” I am probably butchering the exact quotation, if there even is one. Regardless, it’s a sentiment I’ve heard numerous times in the various writing workshops and panels I’ve attended.

    What genre are you writing? Mind giving us a teaser?

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      I’ve turned off retweets for a lot of people, and now I can actually keep up with my feed! I love reading what people are actually typing, but too many people spam RTs like 10 times in a row of crap nobody cares about haha. (That sounds so cruel, jeez) It’s a nice break. The voices are impossible for me to turn off, too, but I’ve found ways to muffle them a bit. It’s really a work in progress. Good luck on your writing 😀 I’ll be ready to buy your novel when it comes out. I’ll probably give some sort of teaser after I go through and edit. It’s a YA novel about a sarcastic 16-year-old who is trying to solve the murder of her best friend whose body washed up on shore. Like a humor/teen sleuth crossover. Humor and murder are hard to blend for me, so… it’s been a challenge haha.

      Reply
      1. I totally feel the same way about excessive retweeting. First of all, it’s usually things of a political nature that, like you, I’d prefer to avoid on social media, or it’s something that everybody else is also retweeting, so I’ve already seen it. I want original content! That’s what I hated about Tumblr so much — it felt like 99% regurgitation.

        Reply

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