Random-As-Shit Thursday Thoughts
1.There was a woman at Target yesterday who had toilet paper stuck in her waist band by her butt. I thought it was embarrassing to advertise to a crowded store that she recently shat in store’s bathroom and was the cause of the ungodly odor seeping out onto the people waiting in the Starbucks line, so I took it upon myself to tell her. You know, trying to cash in my good deed for the day. Instead, she turned and looked at me and said, ‘That’s not funny! Those type of pranks are very immature for a woman your age.’ This chick thought I was the one who put the toilet paper in.her.pants. IN THEM. How the hell could I manage doing that without her feeling it? I’m a modern day Houdini. That’s what I get for trying to be kind. I responded with, ‘Don’t be embarrassed, lady. Everybody poops!’ …. Didn’t her parents teach her that?
2. I saw this on the front page of Yahoo the other day. I mean, is this really news-worthy? ‘Adult knows how to feed himself?’ Congratu-fucking-lations! You’ve done what 75% of the population does. Making your own food? How inspiring! How brave! I understand a lot of people who work get lunch out, but surely there’s a time when everyone has gone at least three days making their own food, right? Especially in the poor college years. I eat at home every meal besides maybe one a week, so I’m expecting a feature on the front page of Yahoo any day now. If you’re a journalist, hit me up. It will be a top article. I promise. Everyone else – keep your eyes peeled for my grand debut.
3. Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night and suddenly have a light bulb go off? Like, your mind has a moment of clarity and everything in your world just seems to make sense all of a sudden. I had this last night. I woke up out of a dead sleep and realized something amazing – The french fry brand ‘OreIda’ is Oregon and Idaho mashed together. Did you know that? Genius. Pure genius. Why was I thinking about french fries at 3 am? Who knows. I don’t even like the damn things. Apparently it was an important mystery my subconscious needed to solve.
Random-Ass-Poll for a Random-Ass-Thursday