i’d invest in that

Today is the Lord’s day, so I thought it would a good time to refrain from writing, take some time off, and share a post about a 24 karat gold dildo. (This is the second time in a week dildos have been mentioned on my site. I think an intervention might be necessary. Send help.) The post is written by a fellow blogger, thesnarkandi and, well… I find her to be really damn funny. Read it. Enjoy it. Print it off and rub it all over your naked body. I won’t judge – we’re all friends here. 

Go visit her site and say hello : www.thesnarkandi.com

___________________________

“Readers, I have a confession to make. Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP newsletter has led me down a dark path. It has been a short hop to her gift guide.

I know that I have posted a similar piece before, but really, I just couldn’t help myself today.

The gift guide has become one of my main sources of levity, intellectual stimulation, and emotional sustenance. I laugh, I cry, it becomes a part of me. So, feeling a little blue today now that vacation is over and it is a cold, gray day, I took a peek at the last gift guide.

In what I am guessing is an effort to be more relatable, GP has added wonderful, practical gifts for those we love most, like the following.

space

WORLD VIEW EXPLORATION AT THE EDGE OF SPACE

“This two-part adventure begins in 2016 with a behind-the-scenes invitation to a World View test flight. The Miraval Resort in Tucson, Arizona, is home for three nights; spend your days with the flight’s chase and recovery team and tour Biosphere 2 with original crew member and World View CEO Jane Poynter. In 2017, you and five companions will experience 360° views of Earth as a high-altitude balloon lifts your luxury pressurized capsule 100,000 feet above our planet. $90,000.00”

I know what someone’s getting for Christmas this year!

Spaces are limited to a lucky ten people. I want to meet those 10 people, but more importantly, I NEED to meet the recipients. If someone is willing to spend 90 large to send you 100,000 feet in the air, you have to be a special kind of someone – and not necessarily in a good way.

Or………

mahjong

The Hermes Mah Jongh Set – $46,000  Is there any wonder as to why there is a waiting list?

Even by Gwynnie’s standards, those have to be major gifts, so if it’s stocking stuffers you need, look no further. Yes, GP has a section forNot So Basic Sex Toys.

For short money, Goop recommends the $395 Kiki de Montparnasse Droplet Necklace. “A discreet vibrating necklace that turns into nipple clamps,” the description says. Awesome. I love jewelry that multi-tasks.

I was contemplating the very affordable $20 anal beads when a particular item caught my eye. For that special someone (or yourself), you can get a 24-karat dildo $15,000.dildo

Since I feel that you can’t put a price on pleasure, I looked more closely and noticed two very important points.

  1. This item comes with discreet packaging. Well, one would hope so. My letter carrier is a very nice man, but I don’t want him coming to my door and saying, ” Here’s that solid gold dildo you’ve been waiting for!”
  2. It comes with a 10-year guarantee.

Personal note to GP – Honey, I don’t judge, but if you are worried that you might wear out a solid gold dildo in less than 10 years, something is amiss. What the hell are you doing with it? Gwynnie, talk to me, goose. I’m your girl and you can tell me. Really. Call me.

I’m also thinking that this is where that whole vaginal steam cleaning comes into play, but I could be wrong and one has nothing to do with the other. I may bring it up. I may not. I’ll just see what mood she’s in when she calls.”

___________________________

I don’t know about anyone else, but I think $46,000 for a game sounds like a good investment. I’m concerned about the vaginal steam cleaning, though. Is that a thing? Wouldn’t it burn? Or at the very least add some age to the area? Nobody needs early onset sagging. Tragic.

49 Comments

  1. As someone who works in a jewelry store, I can cast a skeptical eye on “solid gold” and that price and say for sure that it’s a rip off. Also, it looks like there’s a button. Which technically makes it a vibrator, not a dildo, and also makes it hollow in order to fit the vibration mechanism and batters, which in turn means less actual gold. Why not spend that money on a $20 vibrator, a can of gold paint, and a DOWN PAYMENT ON A HOUSE!

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      It’s refreshing to have someone on hand that is so knowledgeable on dildos 😀 Or vibrators! I didn’t even think about all of that, but you’re right haha. I mean, I’d personally go for a house over a dildo. But, you know, some people’s priorities… ha

      Reply
  2. LOL! Makes you wonder if anyone actually buys anything from this so-called gift catalog.

    And solid gold? Wonder how much it weighs and how much the actual gold is worth? Melt it down into a bar and put the profits toward a GOOD dildo, er, vibrator, er–hell, with that much money you could get yourself a nice pool boy with benefits instead 😉

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Really? WHO KNEW! Allergic to gold AND latex – damn lol. So I guess the gold condoms I bought you for Christmas next year are out.

      Reply

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: