take a big whiff

I had an epiphany yesterday. I was standing in the middle of a Walmart pharmacy section with my newly purchased box of Samoas a bunch of little girls conned me into buying even though I probably won’t eat them. Those girls are so shifty. Have you ever had those Girl Scout cookies before? They are akin to tequila for me – every bite makes me want to strip down, put my underwear on my head, and do a seductive rendition of the chicken dance for everyone. Sexy, eh? I really know how to party.  I was minding my own business, but then I was interrupted.

Walmart Lady: Is something wrong?

Me: I hate it here. That’s it … I hate being here. It’s driving me crazy.

Walmart Lady: Uhh, is there something that happened? Can I help you with something?

Me: Oh, no. Not here here. I mean, I kind of hate it here. Why does it seem like Walmarts are always in dusty old warehouses where they once held a bunch of Chinese kids hostage to make their clothes? Is that why your stuff is so cheap? Where are the children now? Where. Are. The. Children?!

Walmart Lady: …

Me: *stares* 

Walmart Lady: I don’t know nothin’ about no Asians!

Me:  *turns and quietly leaves*

I’ve come to hate living in this town. I’m not entirely sure where it stems from, but recently I’ve had the overwhelming feeling of needing to get out. Sheep aren’t made for the suburbs. There’s barely any room between the houses, silence is nonexistent, and it feels like privacy is hard to come by. I miss the country. I need to take some deep breaths of fresh air – cow shit and all. I’d even rather be closer to the beach.

I tried to ask my Mom for advice while I was driving home, and her wisdom was ‘just follow your heart!’ What kind of crappy advice is that? My heart is just telling me to go to the refrigerator.

I think it’s time to move.

[Total_Soft_Poll id=”2″]

 

92 Comments

  1. I want to check allll the boxes.
    I moved to the ‘burbs because it was nice, it was friendly, it was my husband’s town.
    I moved to the country cuz trees and quiet and stars and space.
    And now I miss the city because PIZZA (NYC gal here).
    and I miss the ocean so much I make a point of visiting relatives in New England every summer even though I hate traveling 7-12 hours in a car with my complaining children.

    BTW, did you know that Walmart doesn’t do rain checks? 87 cents a pound for whole roasters and they were all gone and they wouldn’t give me a rain check. HMMMPH!

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Damnit, Walmart! That doesn’t surprise me. Walmart pretty much sucks haha. Yeah, I’ve lived in all of those, and they definitely all have their perks! The only one I can’t do is the city. Although… pizza. MMMMM

      Reply
  2. Okay. This is strange. I took your poll and ticked “Country”. Then the results came up and I saw that 36.8% of the respondents had voted the same, making us the momentary winners.
    The problem is this. I just posted my Inaugural Day thoughts which included a few facts about the rise of Adolf Hitler. He won the election in 1933 with 36.8% of the votes.
    I am totally weirded out now.
    Is it a sign?
    Should you stay in the burbs?

    Reply
  3. Through my life, I would have checked different boxes based on my current lifestyle. Right now, living in the city is for me. Simply because I’m in my 40s and single. Living out of town makes me feel even more isolated and lonely. However, when I was in my 20s and married, I wanted to be as far away from town (work) as possible. I wanted lots of land for my dogs, and peace and quiet. If money wasn’t an issues, I’d pick the beach where I could live easy and hit up the beach night life.

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      See, that’s where I’m at now, too. The space, peace, and quiet.. ah. But, since we are planning of having kids soon, the idea of being able to spend the days at the beach seem like a simple, free thing to do lol.

      Reply
  4. I’ve lived out in the stickies in my youth – not exactly the MIDDLE of nowhere, but I could see that from the front porch – and the ‘burbs are usually filled with plastic people who are only interested in keeping up with the Jones’s and lawn care.

    Never done the beach, but I see too much sand everywhere.

    I’m a citified person, myself. I live smack in the center of downtown, above a retail/office location, and couldn’t be happier.

    You don’t get the funky vibes anywhere else.

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      I like the sound of funky vibes. You literally nailed the description of the suburban town I live in haha. I don’t fit in at all.

      Reply
  5. I hate the suburbs. I would take the city or the country over the burbs. If I have to live near a lot of people I might as well be in the city where there is stuff to do and I can use mass transit instead of driving. If I’m going to have to drive everywhere I might as well be in the country where there are fewer people. The burbs I have people and driving. I’m not a fan of either.

    Reply
  6. I’m out here with the constant smell of cowshit and the unending sounds of the coyotes every night and some nights I feel like Vinnie in “My Cousin Vinnie” when he could only get some sleep in the prison because he was used to all of the background noise. You should totally come smell cowshit with me, because somebody to help me laugh about cowpies would be nice!

    Reply
  7. I’m biased BUT… I live in a rural area that isn’t far from a “town” that has a Walmart but it isn’t the suburbs. The town I live in has a population of about 1k people while the town I’m talking about is 15 minutes away. The nearest “city” is an hour drive away and compared to New York it would be a suburb? So I’m away from it all but close enough to get to it all if I want it. I can even get to a beach if I want to drive two hours or so. I guess what I’m trying to say is you can have it all by looking for locations to live in like that.

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Very true! There’s actually rural areas here in NC not too far from me that have all of that. I like the way you think lol. I could have it all!

      Reply
  8. I’ve lived in a city, too noisy and dirty. I’ve lived in a resort town near an ocean beach, too buggy and hurricane-y. I won’t live in the country, too smelly, so it’s suburbia for me. Our houses are far apart and it’s quiet here, so maybe you’re in the wrong suburb?!

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Very possible. Maybe I’m just a little TOO close to the city? I just don’t know. I guess every place has its downfalls.

      Reply
  9. Oh girl. Have you been spying on my recent conversations with my husband? ‘Cause seriously, I feel you. I and/or we have lived in super urban areas, bustling suburban areas like the one you are describing, and now we live in the country. Like literally, I can hear my neighbor’s goats bleating in the morning. And yesterday I was crying to him that I hate that there’s no perfect place, because they all have their pros and cons. Ugh. Maybe we should just get super rich and buy three places.

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      If only it were that easy 😀 haha. You can hear the goats in the morning? See – that sounds like the perfect morning to me haha. You’re right, though… every place has its definite pros and cons. I need to get rich quick.

      Reply
  10. Your mother is right, Blair, you need to follow your heart. Personally, I would love to live in the country, but now that I’m old(er) and have medical problems, I need to be able to get to doctors, hospitals and pharmacies quickly, and then to the grocery store to stock up on ice cream before dying. You may move a bit from place to place, but eventually you’ll find just the right place for you. Good luck.

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Ice cream. Very important point you have there. I hope we do find the right place… all I know is it’s definitely not here !

      Reply
  11. I love living in the country BUT I need to move out of the uber conservative rural area I’m in and on to an old hippy commune or something. I am disconcerted by all the automatic weaponry being fired in the woods around us, day and night, and the rebel flag flyers driving through town in pick ups with no doors. UGH. I need to find rural but progressive. Does it exist? I don’t think so. Plus the food out here sucks, big suck.

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Wow, that’s a little TOO rural for me haha. Jeeeeez. I will say, there are some small hickish towns here in NC that are similar – they make me anxious.

      Reply
  12. Anonymous

    Definitely the country. Nothing beats the smell of cow muck everyday! First post of yours I’ve ever read. Think it’s fab you have a wonderful humour as well as talking about serious life issues! Look forward to hearing where you move to (if you do!)
    Saranaran.

    Reply
  13. I was born and raised in the city, and thought that my destiny was in the country. Then I moved to the country and learned that was a lie. Back to the city for me. As long as I have reliable transportation, though, I’m good!

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      I kind of did the opposite! Born in the country, but moved to the city for a bit, then to the suburbs. It’s all in personal preference! I wish I could handle all the busyness of citylife 🙂

      Reply
  14. I live in a wooded area that I guess you can call country, but close enough to the city to visit now and then. My dream is to have a home in both places, but that will never happen. Hate the suburbs where everyone knows your business. Not really a beach person.

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Ah, yes… I wish it were easier to pay for two homes. I’d be ALL over that (as everyone else would too, I’m sure.) Best of both worlds.

      Reply
  15. Listen to both your mum and heart. Nearly 10 years ago I was feeling the same as you, so after procrastinating all logistics we jumped. We moved 60 miles away from London and we don’t regret it. Depending on the mood, I can get to the coast, the country and town, within a 15 minute drive – which is a lot better than sitting on the motorways and heavily congested roads to get anywhere out of London.

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      That sounds perfect. It’s best to be in a central location so you have quick access everywhere! I have NO idea how people do with traffic and congestion on a regular basis. That would drive me bonkers.

      Reply
  16. Through the course of my 1000+-year bloody and torture-rich (well, like fun) existence I’ve lived in numerous places, from Scotland’s country, the Highlands, French Quarter of New Orleans, cities and country sides of european countries, aisan ricefields, but nothing seems to be so great for me than a forever moving, alive big city, being that Rotterdam or Budapest…

    Reply
  17. I live in the suburbs, which is fine, but I don’t want to always live in the suburbs. I love cities, beaches, and mountains. My wife would love to have a farmette someday where we have have alpacas. I can get on board with that. I think I love city and rural for the same reason – you can go about your business without anyone bothering you. It’s amazing how you can be in a large city and yet be alone. I guess my ideal would be to have a small apartment in a large city and a farmette out in the country, but near the mountains and close to the beach.

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      A ‘farmette’…. I’ve never heard this term but I like it ! Your wife has a similar goal as myself… I just want to raise sheep instead of alpacas 🙂 Having two places really would be the best of everything. If only… Lol

      Reply
  18. Samoas are the only GS cookies I buy and promptly eat in more or less one sitting then shame spiral. I hate Wal-mart. It’s like going back home for me. Just a frickin’ horror show. It does not matter which city you are in every Wal-mart is a portal into the same dystopian universe.

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Oh, I agree. All Walmarts are the same. It’s terrifying, really. Stupid Walmart. You don’t like thin mints ? Those are the only other ones I like lol

      Reply
  19. All I can say is Thank God we don’t have Walmart here in Australia! I’ve lived in the city all my life, but love the country. I think I got the best combination at the moment as when I look out my office window all I see is greenery and roses and I listen to the birds in the trees. Then there;s the hum of traffic….bit of a spoiler.
    Came by to visit from fattymcupcakes – she had you listed as one of her favourites 🙂 Have a blissful 2017 ~!

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      I assumed Walmart was everywhere! Who knew? Lol. That sounds like the perfect combination. I could definitely handle that 🙂

      Reply
  20. I cannot cope in the suburbs.
    I love the country, but I am a city girl.
    My answer was to get 1.3 acres in the city, on a quiet dead end street.
    I hope you find your spot 🙂

    Reply
  21. I’d like to comment on those girl scouts. I once did a post calling my girl scout cookie my dealer bc thats exactly what she was. Midnight texts to her mom wanting more cookies, hiding the boxes on the top shelf, slowly eating cookies, thinking this would quiet the crunches. Sorry, I know not the main topic but you had me at cookies. 😉

    Reply
  22. So you have your answer – move to the countryside, and buy a big refrigerator. 🙂 Hehe. Maybe you could take a little road trip, get some of that fresh country air or smell the salty sea breeze by a beautiful beach. Follow your heart is a cliche, but often true. 🙂 x

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      You’re right – it’s true even though it’s cliche lol. It’s hard to know what the heart wants! But mine definitely likes your idea of a BIG refrigerator haha

      Reply
  23. “Those girls are so shifty. Have you ever had those Girl Scout cookies before? They are akin to tequila for me – every bite makes me want to strip down, put my underwear on my head, and do a seductive rendition of the chicken dance for everyone”

    L M F A O

    hahaah I can’t believe I just read this…

    it was great O_O

    Reply
  24. Blair- I used to live about 9 miles away from Malibu in California so I lived on the beach. Everyday I was there. While that does sound appealing, I think I would like trying to live in Oregon or Washington. I understand you when you say you hate where you live. I don’t hate where I am but it is time for a definite change. I hope you get the change you are seeking. BTW- Walmart sucks.

    Reply
  25. I seriously thought you didn’t have a comments section….. Don’t know why i didn’ show up to now!
    But hey, I’m here NOW: As a Swiss it was (and still is) transport facilities nearby are extremely important to us. We only ever chose places to live with a reliable transport system nearby. In the best place I ever lived (at the shores of Lac Léman = Lake Geneva, in Western Switzerland), I was – listen to this: 2′ on foot from the ship Jetty, 2′ on foot from the bus stop and 5′ on foot from the train station. NOW I’m living 3′ on foot from the express train which takes me in half an hour into the heart of Paris BUT God, I do miss the proximity of WATER (lake, sea – in UK we were a mere 10′ on foot from the sea shore and in Switzerland we have lakes at every corner). It IS more quiet here where I live now, but I def couldn’t live in Paris, it’s SO hectic, horribly polluted, people are extreme snobbish – so it’s quite a treat to live here in the green but it’s also slightly too posh. AND you do need a car because we only have (plenty) of quite excellent little shops, wonderful bakeries and fishmongers/butchers but you would have to go every day for your shopping and it’s very expensive. I drive once my approx 10 miles to a shopping center (nothing half as bad as Walmart) and go to the weekly market. Sounds perfect doesn’t it? And yet, I would (nearly) kill to be able to go back to my home country today rather than tomorrow… But you and your partner MUST listen to your heart – and IF jobs are possible, GO! We are here because of Hero Husband’s job (at the time!).

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Hero Husband! I like that name 🙂 You’ve made me want to live in Europe, even though you’ve stated some downfalls of it haha. Except Paris – I’ve rarely heard good things, sadly.

      Reply
      1. Sorry for being unable to even follow-up your comments…. 😉 My Hero Husband has got this name because he has to put up with a ‘wild woman’ (but then, Wild women don’t get the Blues, they say….) and as I’m constantly ‘talking’ in 3 languages, he has different names for different people: GötterGatte in German (or just GG), MM (mari magnifique) in French and HH (Hero Husband) in English.
        And please don’t do that to you: Moving to Paris, it’s a nightmare…. It’s also a wonderful, inspiring, cultivated and extremely brilliant city, but if I’m reading you correctly, you’d be horrendously unhappy. I AM and I’m not a country pumpkin as they say! There are SO many better living-quality-places around!

        Reply
  26. I grew up in the country on a Ranch in the middle of nowhere with only a tiny town a few miles away. When I moved to Iowa for my first post-college job and then got married and we live in town (albeit on a double lot) and I HATE IT. I feel like there are always people wandering in our yard and knocking on the door. Looking in the windows and out at me when I am in the driveway/yard. I can not wait until we can afford a house either in the middle of nowhere, or at least in a forest thick enough that it feels like you are alone.

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      Oh, I feel you – it’s terrrrrible. There is zero privacy where I live, too. Sometimes I even feel awkward walking out to get the mail. I stare out the window and scan the cul-de-sac to make sure no one is in sight. Damn people! Middle-of-nowhere sounds perfect to me.

      Reply
  27. We lived in the burbs for too many years. I hated it. All the McMansions going up around us in what once had been a lovely little farm town just north of NYC. Kids made fun of my kids because we lived in a little house and didn’t ever have new cars. What a mess!

    We live in coastal Maine now and have 20 acres and goats. Our town has about 3500 permanent residents, but off the peninsula are some larger towns, and we are only about 50 minutes away from Portland. And I am 10 minutes from a lovely beach. I think we have it all! (There isn’t too much gunplay in our woods, except during hunting season. Glad we dodged that one!)

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      It’s weird in there. I hate the warehouse feel to it. The lights are definitely bright! I would eat just about any GS cookie there is.

      Reply
        1. Katie – remarks like yours always make me smile because they remind me of a lovely cartoon I saw while living in England: They have a dessert (pudding in UK speak) called Death by Chocolate and in this cartoon a man orders this dessert and from the ceiling falls down a huge tremendous piece of chocolate sweets 🙂

          Reply
  28. I couldn’t concentrate on this post. I choked on your word, “samoas” – I was sure it was a typo, and you meant to say “samosas.” I was mulling it over all the rest of the text. I’m *still* mulling… Are “samoas” really a *thing*?

    Reply
    1. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) Author

      They are a type of cookie Girl Scouts sell. They are AMAZING. Chocolate, caramel, soft and chewy. Oh man. I had to look up ‘samosas’ because I didn’t know what THOSE were haha. Those look yummy, too 🙂

      Reply

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