Yesterday while grocery shopping I asked the clerk if she could show me where the orgasmic grapes were. She was young. I was embarrassed. Then, without missing a beat, she said ‘well, I can tell you where the organic grapes are. I can’t promise they’re going to be that good… but I can promise they won’t fertilize you.” Touché, random 18-year-old, touché.
A few days ago I decided to adopt a ‘paleo’ diet. If you don’t know what it is, it’s basically eating nothing processed. I’m pretty sure giving up caffeine, sugar, and dairy all at once is worse than detoxing from heroin. I’ve had killer headaches, I’m agitated all the time, and I have the constant urge to bitch slap my cats across the face. I’m primarily making the change to see if it helps with some medical problems I’ve been having, but damn… it sucks. If you want to piss a woman off, take away her freedom to shove pizza and an unlimited amount of cheddar Sun Chips in her face. That’ll do it. How do you deal with diets without going crazy? I feel like I’m tiptoeing across the border into crazytown. Send help.
Do you have any tips? Or… paleo recipes? I don’t know how long I can go on just eating a bunless turkey burger for dinner.
I have a new-found respect/sympathy for everyone starting off on a new diet. The first week blows.