thanks for that, dad

Visiting my parents is always interesting – mainly because they are tiptoeing the fine line of descent into crazy-town. Their responses to things have always been questionable… like the time my sister was brought home by the police because she was caught drunk, underage, and hanging her bare ass out of a moving vehicle. Or the time my brother tried to unsuccessfully grow weed in a dark corner of his room. But, we were polite and got good grades. That was all that mattered back then. 

Alex and I saw them in NYC a few months ago, and this particular conversation happened in the middle of a crowded restaurant. (The people sitting next to us were not amused.)

Dad: I’m ready to leave the city and retire. Too much weirdness here. And people are proud of it. What the hell happened to keeping things private? Too much Facebook and crap. Even the guys in the building across from ours leave the curtains wide open when they have visitors. Jesus. What’s the world coming to?

Me: Oh, God…

Dad: Yep. These kids have no shame. There’s new women over every night. And they have the hoochiest clothes on. It’s like the red light district. You can see everything. People holding their legs open, kneeling, heads bobbing. It’s hummer city over there.

Me: Oh, gross. Do we have to talk about this here?

Dad: Blair… don’t be rude. Hookers need love, too. 

jimmyfalloncrotch

(Dad – you are inappropriate, graphic, a little bit ridiculous, and a lot of crazy. Thanks for being awesome.)

103 Comments

  1. Oh wow – in overly PC modern days your dad sounds like someone who a) has an opinion and b) is not afraid to state it – oh and c) he’s a non-conformist – 🙂 – a man who knows his own mind – aren’t you glad you didn’t grow up with the mental equivalent of laundry detergent? I guess your brother did not turn into a biologist then and your sister is a doctor?

    Reply
      1. Ah firefighter – on the right side of the law then, good thing he didn’t pursue botany, it was not destined to be (unless he had grow lamps in that dark corner) And for your sister, my first guess was indeed nurse!! I have worked with many a one 🙂 sounds like a fun family

        Reply
      1. No I get that…I hated stuff my Mom did when I was younger! She had a wallpapered car when I was in HS! She drove it around town because she sold wallpaper in the SMALL town I lived it! OMG. Weird. My daughter thinks it’s great. Of course if I had done it, they would have hated me. 🙂

        Reply
      1. Nope. Long Island, the burbs. And I hate it here. When my son graduates high school, we want out. Be a while (retirement) will we leave New York itself, but I’ll be far more contented when I get out of Snobsville. Long Island sucks huge crusty Sasquatch gonads, especially if you do not drive.

        Reply
  2. One time, in an Italian restaurant on First Avenue, dad pointed to another table and said in an alcoholic sotto voce voice “I THINK THEY’RE MAFIA”. While I was slowly attempting to disappear under the table in case stray bullets came our way, my mom said “George, it’s rude to point.” Yeah. That’ll stop us from getting whacked, mom…

    Reply
  3. Hey Shameful Sheep…I’ve noticed you’ve been following my little blog for a while, but I haven’t been doing so much blog reading lately, so only now am I wandering over to see what’s happening over here. I like your blog a whole lot. Back soon.

    Reply
  4. I like your parents point of view. Yes your kids are going to experiment and go a bit too far sometimes, but as long as they are polite and get good grades…… Sounds good to me!!!!

    Reply
    1. I agree :). I hope to be the same with my future kids. They had a good idea of what was important for the future vs ‘a kid being a kid.’ We never went completely wild and rebelled because our parents let us have space to figure stuff out on our own. They are great 🙂

      Reply
  5. I have to say, I like your Dad. He would fit right in here, in our house where we do not follow the sheep syndrome i.e. just because everyone else is doing it we don’t necessarily do it too. However, that said we will follow Blair with interest.

    Reply
  6. I can safely say that as a parent myself, when your child is growing up, you look after them, showering them with love and plot and plan about all the things you are going to do when they are old enough for you to embarress without it being considered child abuse, its the only way you hand onto your last bit of sanity

    Reply

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: