happy toothday

Get your fat pants on and lose those shirts, people … it’s time to let your nipples free for WTF Wednesday! Wooooo. Okay, that’s not really a thing. It just seemed like it would be fitting for this post. I think you’ll agree after you finish reading. (With the ‘what the fuck.’ Probably not the nipples. Nipples really have nothing to do with anything. Sorry, pervs.)

I’m excited to share a post written by an awesome blogger ’round these parts – Charlotte Graham (go on and visit her – I’ll wait.) I’m going to go out on a limb here, and say – if we knew each other in person we would probably be best friends (until I scared her away, at least.) She’s a runner, gamer, Panthers fan, writer, and a nerd with style. Girl crush alert. (I can say that without it being creepy, right? Since I’m married? Right?!) Let’s get on with it, then!


 

Today while walking to work I found an abandoned voodoo doll on a park bench. True story. If it weren’t negative a billion degrees outside and if I had actually been able to feel my fingers, I would have snapped a photo. Alas.

But, the day was soon to be filled with even more creepy dolls, when a friend posted the following on Facebook:

CharlotteGraham
​Creepy AF, amirite?!

My first question when I saw this was, “do parents really save all their kids’ baby teeth??” I had always just assumed that dear old Mom and Dad threw them in the trash once the Tooth Fairy made her rounds. I mean really, if you’re a parent and you hang onto your kids’ teeth and don’t do something weird like this with them, what do you do? Present them all in a fancy box upon your child’s 18th birthday? Here ya go, son. I thought about getting you a car for graduation. But here are your baby teeth instead!

But now apparently you can turn those baby teeth into a scary-ass doll!

Now, I’m not a parent, so far be it from me to say if this would actually be sentimental were it my child’s leftover baby teeth — but damn!

I think dolls in general are creepy, but these human teeth monster dolls take it to a whole new level. Folks, this is what I like to call Grade A Nightmare Fuel. Have fun sleeping tonight.


 

Guys, this should go without saying – teeth monster plushies are not okay. 

137 Comments

      1. I told my trainer about this and I wish I had a camera to capture the look on her face and her ‘noooooooooo’. This also comes about a week after she ran into this lady who makes these dolls that are exact replicas of babies, sooo life like… so scary. (She said it takes two weeks to make a baby and you only have to bake it for five hours).

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  1. Oh man I just had the best laugh. That is soooo creepy. I have to admit to keeping some baby teeth from my kids in a book, but stick them in a doll, no way! Actually I must find them and ditch them. What a great find Blair. I enjoyed the post 🙂

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  2. I’m totally going to do this. Yes I do have my kids’ baby teeth. I’m not sure why. It might be that they made such cute envelopes to the tooth fairy, and once I had spirited them away from under their pillows, it just didn’t seem right to throw them in the trash. So they are all in a shoebox. Finally, I have an idea what I can do with them! Thanks Blair!

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      1. So. I just read through (well, skimmed really) all 5000 comments here. All of them skeemish and – dare I say? – sort of wimpy. Why do I seem to be the only one who thinks this doll idea is kind of cool? (Though I am probably going to go the hand puppet route.) Think about it – with one of these you could bite people! With our own teeth!

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  3. Lol Creepy but I must say, they’re kind of cute! ;-D I don’t know if these make good companions for children though! They may just scare them silly! Imagine waking up next to one of those things! And those kind of look like human eyes too….
    Oh and I’m disappointed about the nipples…. 😉

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  4. This is beyond creepy. It’s reminiscent of voodoo on a whole new level. Heh, why not save their first pubic hairs and make a beard dolly. Yuk. Shiver. Cringe.

    Blair, you have a girl crush? Can’t stop laughing.

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      1. Get collecting now. Will you stuff it with the pubes or have them on the outside? Jesus. I bet there’s a market for pubic hair. Feed it, grow it, harvest it…sell it on eBay. Make sure it’s not clean and you’ll probably get twice the money.

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  5. Oh my god. I’ve just looked at those pictures again. My eyes are bleeding. I’ve sent this to a friend of mine. I’m expecting a response any minute. Can you imagine giving a friend a present…they open the said present..you’ve made them a teddy hair bear, stuffed with the head from your head, your pubes, your ear hair and your belly button fluff. Then they can lie next to it at night and know that no matter what, you’ll be together forever. Just for a bit of va va room, take nail clippings and make a necklace.

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  6. Holy shit, NOOOooooOOOOOOoooooOOO! No. I love my kids, but
    No teeth, no pubes, not even from the wife, no fingernail clippings,
    No blood, ick, eww, noooo. Throw that shit away. No bronzed shoes
    or damned bronzed diapers or shit either. IIIIIIICCCCKKK!!!!! Sick!

    Reply
      1. Blair, hate to disappoint but I’m a man. In the old, 1980’s sense. I don’t save teeth. If it was done, I have no knowledge of said saving. It was done by my wife. I teach my daughters how to be strong forces for good in the world. I leave that touchy-feely stuff to my wife. 😉

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  7. My son is 38 years old and I believe I do have some baby teeth in an old jewelry box. I must make one of these and then quietly slip it in bed with him the next time he has to spend the night because he came over and drank a lot. Thanks for showing me a way to scar his psyche even further than I did during his upbringing. 😀

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  8. I’m the first one to sign up for something creepy AF. But… All teeth are disgusting. Do you hear me? All teeth. Yes even the most beautiful, most precious child in the whole universe’s teeth are disgusting. I don’t do disgusting.

    That being said, my children put their teeth in a plastic Ziploc sandwich bag underneath their pillows at night. Why? Because the tooth fairy that had their route required it that way (so she didn’t have to touch them) for safe guarding and ease of transport. She ah, was also super busy on her route, and so sometimes she wasn’t able to get to their teeth on the first night. It did on occasion take a second or even once a third night to retrieve their teeth. That damn recession – it hit everyone hard people.

    What can I say? I was a shitty tooth fairy with short term memory problems. And those baggies with the tiny little tyke’s tooth in them? They were promptly buried in the trash. Yes, I’m sure I’m also a shitty mother.

    If my mother had saved, and presented me, with my own baby teeth I’m sure it would take inhuman strength to keep me from throat punching her in knee-jerk reaction.

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  9. Wow. That’s the MOST unusual thing I’ve seen in months. I think it’s creative but certainly not cuddly. That orange doll to the right seems to have A LOT of teeth … did the kid loose every single tooth in their head? I never lost that many teeth.

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  10. I’m sitting here trying not to fall off my chair from laughing. You know though I think I have just one of my sons teeth in the file cabinet. Would you like it? Where the hell did you find that?

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  11. I stopped by to read at “nipples free” and stayed for the horribly terrifying picture of baby tooth doll. Yeah. We aren’t there yet but I’m pretty sure I’ll loose the teeth. Hopefully she at least gets her dollar before I do.

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      1. I sleep fine last night and didn’t seem to have any nocturnal weirdness. Maybe petting and staring at my cute kitties before bed purged all that gross stuff out of my brain!

        Don’t get me wrong … the teeth dollies, while I wouldn’t want one, were interesting to see … it’s just belly bear and toenail sculptures that haven’t pushed me to my limit!

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  12. I saved all but one of my kids’ baby teeth. I did it for purely sentimental reasons. I’m now going to sell them on ebay to the makers of creepy dolls. I mean sentiment has its place, but we’re talking about money here.

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  13. LMAO!!! I was scared to read this post because of the creepy doll picture. However, after reading it I’m glad I did. It brought a giggle to my day. It also made me realize that my mother is one of those parents that keeps baby teeth. She use to collect my teeth and would tell me she wanted to get a necklace made for me. I am 26 years old and have yet to see this supposed jewelry lol. I will probably ask about today since this post reminded me of my well deserved jewels lol. I’ll keep you posted.

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  14. This is so creepy it actually is cool lol, reminded me of a pedia friend who collected the skin after a circumcision, apparently planning to make a wallet or something, with a little rubbing, she gets a whole luggage with it. Kidding. Just kidding. Lol. Creeepy

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  15. She is funny! And you are funny. AND you said “nipple”. I was working out today and I thought, what if I just pulled my top down and let my tits breathe while I’m on this elliptical machine, a la Chelsea Handler? I think it would be kind of refreshing.

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  16. Bwahaha I’m dying! That’s creepy as hell, but you know how the grandparents are always on and on about the grandkids…well maybe for Christmas this year, the grandparents get tooth dolls. We’ve lost half of Little Man’s teeth and Baby Girl has none, so that’s like two teeth per grandparent doll, but it’d work.

    Reply

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