want to have a dance party?

Social gatherings are a butt-clenching experience for me. I’m not too bad holding a conversation one-on-one, but with a lot of people? Terrible. Just terrible. You know when you’re somewhere noisy and trying to have a conversation so you speak louder? And all of a sudden, there’s this wave of silence and you find yourself shouting something ultra embarrassing like “THEN HE TOLD ME I HAD A BROWN STAIN ON THE BACK OF MY PANTS.” Everyone stares at you awkwardly like they did when you passed out in college and didn’t know your friends drew dicks all over your face. Well… I feel like I have dicks on my face every day.

kyledicks

I thought my social anxiety would get better as I aged — but it seems to be doing the opposite. I guess I will forever be the awkward adult drawing cat pictures at the kids table, talking about My Little Pony, and throwing dance parties while everyone else is drinking beer and watching football in the other room. At least I’m the favorite aunt, I guess. You win some, you lose some, you know?

Socially savvy people — I will forever be envious of you. I don’t know how you do it.

Off topic: I read somewhere that the weekend before Thanksgiving has the highest rate of relationship break-ups in the US. What a way to start the holidays, right? Good luck out there today, guys.

(Photo Credit : South Park/Comedy Central)

0 Comments

  1. If it is any consolation, I’m also the one at the kid’s table, using crayons and face painting. I chose to do this because that’s where I’d rather be than in the middle of a group of pretentious dicks. That doesn’t go for everyone. I don’t do big parties anymore. The last party I went to, I stood up in the middle of a room of about 100 or so people, quietly put on my coat and left. When asked why, I was honest and told them that I was bored and had better things to be doing. If all else fails, get up and leave.

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  2. Oh, I’m with you! And I have extra sensitive hearing, as well, so in large gatherings I often can hear three or four conversations going on around me. Makes it hard to focus on the one I’m supposed to be participating in. Sometimes end up just staring off into space! Check out The Bloggess (thebloggess.com) for a funny take on social anxiety (among other things). She’s recently posted a series of tweets about the embarrassing things people have done/said in public. Hysterical reading! And comforting, too.

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  3. I’ve gathered (from creeping on past posts) you’re a bit younger than I and I can attest the social anxiety seems to…well…get stronger with age. Like a fine wine. That makes you too drunk to be appropriate…hhahaha.
    Uh, sorry, it just kinda got a way with me. Nobody’s looking at me, right?

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  4. I can most definitely relate. Social anxiety is the worst. It’s a struggle, especially when people think you’re being rude by not socializing! It’s not that we don’t want to, we just don’t know how lol

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  5. I’m pretty comfortable in social environments like parties but don’t like talking about myself. My suggestion to you is to scan the room, find someone who seems to be talking incessantly and approach them. Say hello and ask them a simple question like “how do you know HOST’S NAME?” Let them do all the talking. Pay attention to what they say and ask them another questions about what they said. Nod a lot and say yeah! They’ll keep talking so you don’t have to…

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  6. I’m exactly like that, great one on one but any more than that and I turn into an observer but you know what? I learned a lot being an observer. There are advantages, I always say. I wish I was more social but I’m not and I’m cool with that.

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  7. Oh parties, yeah. Oddly, my house is a gathering spot but here’s what happens to me: It’s football on Sunday, I ask the gang to come over and the girls segregate to bitch about their men and I end up hanging with the dudes in the living room. It’s the same as hanging with the kids I think only with more cursing!

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  8. It’s weird how social situations always required me to have alcohol to relax and chatter.
    I am desperately trying to change that and manage one last week with close friends although I’m not sure how I would cope with a big crowd of mostly unknowns.
    All you must do is try to relax and think that everyone else is just as awkward as you, they simply manage to hide it a little better…!

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  9. Ugh I’m the same way about social situations. I would prefer sitting on the couch in my sweats that smell like farts than be anywhere around people where I have to put on a show. People think I’m super social and that I must be the funny one in a group. NOPE. I can’t even respond appropriately to a perfectly benign comment like, “It’s been really cold lately”. I’ll respond with something cringe-worthy like, “I ate cat food once.” Now, if I’m intoxicated, I’m a hell of a lot of fun. But, I still want to get home before my shows start.

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  10. Hey Blair, I guess there’s lots of us the same out there! I’m the same in big social groups, prefer to sit back and let others do the talking. Give me a glass of wine and I’ll loosen up, put on some good music and I’ll dance but sit me in a room full of people I don’t know and I’ll clam up! Good to know I’m not alone.

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  11. Everyone has their individual talents. I’ve often been fascinated by people who can control room or go from person to person, topic to topic, grotto group and not miss a beat. I wonder about them, and then I figure, I don’t have that much energy to spend on so many people so the hell with them all.
    Off topic, that statistic doesn’t surprise me. People who are not really committed don’t want to deal with family holidays and unnecessary gift buying. Sad, but true…:)

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  12. It took me many years to realize that there was absolutely NOTHING wrong with me when I am uncomfortable in large crowds of people. I specifically remember standing next to the wall for support during a “toga party” in college, thinking I had to be there to be considered cool. Now, (at the ripe old age of 53) cool looks a hell of a lot different. Of course I married a party boy…

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  13. I suffer from a mix of social anxiety and apathy. Either I care too much about what people think of me, or I don’t care at all.

    I’m much better in a group than in one-on-one though. In a group, I can divert attention to someone else if I don’t feel like talking. One-on-one I’m stuck with that person. Bleh.

    In regards to Thanksgiving break-ups…I bet it has something to do with the stress of being together at family functions and noticing that your significant other like, doesn’t mesh well with the fam. Better gtfo before Christmas so you at least don’t have to get him or her a present kekekek

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  14. Oh, I get everything you say. I’d rather sit and interact with the nephews than the adults. Interestingly I find I interact differently depending on the group. There is one group of friends who I’m quite social around. And my geeky group of friends, we all feel a little awkward at times, so there is a different level of interaction there. Once I learned to be ok with myself like that, it all became a bit easier.

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  15. Dude, I JUST had this conversation with my husband. It took forever to explain why I can handle small social gatherings but HATE parties. And it does not get better with age, you just accept your social anxiety and become happy with being a social recluse.

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  16. Nowadays, I look around for people on their own and I pretend to be one of those confident people and I introduce them to others to put them at their ease, but really I want to vomit in the punch bowl out of fear and go home and watch the telly. That’s why I prefer funerals to weddings. You don’t have to be jolly at funerals.

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  17. “To thine own self be true, And it must follow as the night the day, Thou canst not be false to any man”.

    Just be honest right? You don’t like the big shindigs and the kids are more fun. So stay home and play with the kids. I totally get you on this. and if you let people know where you stand they can meet you there.

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    1. It sucks. I’m not sure how old you are, but when I was in HS and a few years into college, I was never the person in a relationship. I always felt extremely awkward. All my friends went through guys like it didn’t matter. (I’ve known my husband since we were 12-13, and even he had friendzoned me back then) Years later, I was the only one married and in a happy, normal relationship whereas all my friends were miserable. Take your time and grow as a person. Reach your education goals, your personal goals, and learn to be happy with yourself. Someone will come along that’s right for you. Ignore all those dumb girls who have boyfriends. You’re better off being smart and single for now haha.

      Reply
      1. Thanks alot…you are correct
        I have got to do alot…I am a trainee teacher , plan to be better in whatever I do..and yeah I guess, I can’t change myself ….hopefully I’ll get whatever best for me😊😊😊😊

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  18. I cannot grasp the socially savvy either. And my own social anxiety has definitely worsened with age. Since my layoff, it’s even worse — I’m not even forced to be with others at work! Lately, I’m even an anxious mess with smaller gatherings! (Two anxiety pills before seeing humans other than those who live with me.) I’d love to stop thinking something’s wrong with me… just be the recluse my brain wants me to be… because I’m sure thinking I’m abnormal contributes greatly to the anxiety!

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    1. It’s extremely hard when you’re not forced to socialize and be near people at work. I’m in the same boat. It really wears on your life in multiple ways. It takes a lot more effort when you’re older to put yourself out there, which is a nightmare situation when you already have anxiety to begin with. I hope things get better for you. Although, according to the feedback I’ve gotten from this post, I’m starting to think we are more normal than abnormal!

      Reply
  19. I was never good at social functions where you expected to mingle and dabble in small talk (another term for meaningless gibberish). Now, I’m that older and can barely hear it thunder when I’m alone in an open field it’s even worse. People’s mouths are moving and I have no idea what they’re trying to save. I find myself agreeing with stupid things like having my balls painted green for St. Patrick’s Day.

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  20. I had to run away from one last week, where 40 expats were chattering nonsensically and incessantly – it was like being in a field of locust. Aaaaah! I have found that an alcoholic beverage mixed with my anti-anxiety meds makes me the hostess with the mostess. I am endlessly amusing while spitting in your face, can dance like Jennifer Lopez (look like her too) and generally make a complete ass of myself. Then I have to ask my husband what happened….

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  21. Well, my gut started busting at the fart stain part! Needless to say, this uncalled for comedy finally made me cry… And then I couldn’t breathe, turned purple, and quickly tried to remember something painful! Thanks for the pick me up dick face! LOL! A really, really hilarious post! IT’S ABOUT TIME! Oh my… A yellow stain on my pants :O(

    Reply
  22. I hate loud bars and restaurants. I have no idea why they exist and how people can like going to them with other people. I mean how the hell do you understand what is being said?

    I end up coming home hoarse from yelling.

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  23. Crowds tend to close in on me at gatherings, but I can’t sign autographs for everyone. Worse, then I have no idea what to talk about. Which in one respect, means they’ll probably learn absolutely nothing from me. But, that could be a good thing. Because, sooner or later people eventually get around to asking what you do for a living, and that’s usually when I think; remember, only name, rank, and serial number. Hell, I could be a a social real butterfly at these things if it weren’t for these damn wings! 😀

    Reply

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